How to Survive a Zombie Attack (actually!)




About: I am awesome. end of line

Person who did not read this: Oh no! Did that zombie just eat my face?
Do you want that to happen to you? Most likely not, if you do, go read another instructable made by some kid who has played to much Black Ops er (this means "or" for you illiterates) that other game... Don't listen to them whippersnappers! They have no idea what the crap they are talkin' about.
Random Person: So how do you survive a zombie apocalypse?
Me: You read this! And say "YAY!" out loud, real loud, so that people give you funny looks, and so I can laugh at my monitor.

P.S. I made that picture, pretty sweet huh?

Step 1: Step Uno (not the Game You Old People!).

That guy (lakerman23) says you should get lots of food an' such. NO! What you need is ska music. That's right, this may be the most important step that I write.
Random Person: Whats ska?
Me: (awed silence)
Wow Random Person, your life must suck. Poor you.
Listen to this
And this
If you have decided that you hate ska, read this instructable.
If you have decided that I have saved you from that crap some of you listen to nowadays (-ehem-country-herm-)*, put a comment with your new favorite song in it, and a thank you, or five.
Now if your still reading this and you hate ska, you haven't lived yet, so I see no reason to help you.

*Post a link to a good country song, and I will believe it, I just haven't been exposed to any country that I like, this probably means that I live a very sheltered life or something.

Step 2:

First of, I have a question. Does that (picture) look like a cat? My friend says it does. I think it looks like it says owo.
Agree with me, or go back to step uno (NOT the game) and click on the first link, while holding shift, multiple times, until your computer locks up, while listening to awesome music.*
(me laughing at screen evily(Not heavenly stupid spell check!))

*I am not liable if your computer is broken for any reason if you follow the instructions.

Step 3: Step 2 or Is It 3?

First off, DON'T HELP ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!
Whenever someone helps someone else out during a zombie thing, they die!
Look it up, I have my sources. Ask Will Smith, actually I forgot he blew himself up with a grenade when the Chuck Norris zombie broke through the heavy-duty see-through wall. That's right, I just used two of those things
(That is the Chuck Norris zombie)

Step 4: The Good Part (sorry Lost Count of Steps)

Make maltov cocktails to throw at the zombies. You know why you should?
Random Person: Ummm..........IDK's?
Me: They blow up!!!!!

Step 5: Me and Smarts/Stylin'

Now that I just finished school, I got lot's more smarts. So you should listen to me.
Now to sum more good crap.
You got to look stylin' for the zombies. Always wear a fedora, this step is for posterity. If I saw some dead guy with a piece o' crap hat
(-EHEM-baseball hat-HERMP-) I would just go like,"Whatevs'." The world wood learn NOTHING frum te apocolypspsps.

Another tip, USE SPELL CHECK! I spelt those words wrong in the last sentence so you would actually learn something^, it's annoying when you're reading something, then notice that something is spelled HEKA* wrong. 

^Not like I'm giving you random info that probably will never help you, what of it?
*So what if it's spelled wrong?

Step 6: Games

Stock up on the good stuff.
Like cards. You'll love yourself. You'll kill that last zombie of a group with your over-under and then sit down and play a game of solitaire.
Or, you could completely ignore step 3 and play B.C. (Bull Crap) with your homies.
Or you could totally take this a different way and stock up on video games or something.
What evs' works is all good, except for chess.^
I personally play my cards. Always good for if your stinkin' tired of your class, and are in the corner.*

^If you are a pro chess player, don't be offended, take this as meaning that I am too stupid to play it.
*If you get your property taken away, and get beat by your parents for taking my advice, I am not to blame, don't take stranger's advice.

Step 7: Finale

How about now you type! If you are a seasoned zombie survivalist, or want my autograph post a comment!
I will love you for it! Unless you were insulted by everything I said. Especially if you are a Ska Hatin'-Baseball hat wearin'-lakerman23-nationally renowned chess playing-english teacher, in which case, pull that pencil out of your pocket, stab the computer screen, throw it against the ground, and make me throw it away.*

*I am still not liable for anything.



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    17 Discussions


    6 years ago on Introduction

    but you got alot of good info + i'm a doomsday prepper... I'm actually preparing for the apocalypse, look at my instructables if you want.

    2 replies

    If I gave you that, you would have to frame it, and hang it above your fireplace, and tell your sons (and grandsons) about how awesome I am, and when I am famous, you'd have to split the money you get from selling it on ebay.


    4 years ago on Introduction

    how do you know this works? oh you dont, because ZOBIES AREN'T REAL, and they never will be.

    1 reply

    6 years ago on Step 5

    Not sure if you know, but "spelt" is a kind of grain used to feed cattle.

    1 reply

    6 years ago on Introduction

    I'M listening to country right now... plus I'M an ex- backyard wrestler... do you have a prob with country????