Kung-Fu Talking Jesus and Bald Baby Buddha Buddy

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I like underwater exploration and Mediterranean food, but not at the same time.
Mash-ups are all the rage these days. Taking a bunch of things and smushing them all together is much more than just your mother's recipe for casserole: it is an unharnessed recipe for placing power in dangerous hands. Dangerous, dangerous hands.

Now Jesus has a bunch of powers to start with. He can be your friend. He can walk on water. He can even kill vampires. But despite all of his powers, Jesus cannot do kung-fu.

Ok, apparently he can. A quick google search revealed this pretty clearly, both in this case and this one too.

Whatever. This Kung-Fu Jesus fits in your pocket. You'll know that Jesus is always there to protect you.

As with all crazy projects, there are side effects. Crazy, alliterative side effects. Not only did we create a no-holds-barred evangelist, we made a bald baby sculpture who resembles Buddha. Strangely, Buddha is wearing Jesus' old digs.


Step 1: Find Jesus (and Other Supplies)

After some serious searching, I found Jesus...and purchased him. Search your local $1 stores and various religious sundry items bargain bins.

The kung-fu baby, on the other hand, was much easier to come by. One word: Walgreens. Feel free to pick up any necessary personal items while shopping for your kung-fu baby.

You'll also need a box-cutter, hot glue, and a bit of fabric such as an old t-shirt.

Step 2: Remove Kung-Fu Attire

We will be redressing Jesus, so no need for the original clothing.

We also turned the pants into boxers for Jesus so that he wouldn't have to go commando while he kung-fued.

Step 3: Decapitate the Baby

The baby's head should pop right off with a little concentrated pressure.

Step 4: Makeover!

The kung-fu baby came with an outfit of a white karate top and shiny red pants. Kung-fu Jesus wouldn't be seen wearing that in a million years. So we gave him some more traditional garb, a white robe made from an old t-shirt.

The main part of the robe was made by cutting three circular holes in a line on the t-shirt (arms and neck) and then trimming the edges.

The arms were made separately by sewing together a long, thin loop of fabric and hot gluing it back onto the body of the robe.

Step 5: Operate

Jesus' head was much less willing to pop off than the baby's, so we needed to perform a little surgical procedure. Using a boxcutter and a some wire cutters, we cut and plied around until his head fell off.

Watch out--if you don't act quickly, his wounds might heal by themselves.

Step 6: Recapitate the Baby. or Is It Jesus?

This is the crucial step. We now have two heads and two bodies that need reattaching.

Take the baby's head and cut off the neck. Glue this onto the bottom of Jesus' head--this way Jesus' head will have the fitting mechanism to pop back into the body. This will take some strong pressure. Add some more glue. Hopefully the robe fits snugly enough to cover most of the glue.

Glue the baby's head onto the (former) body of Jesus.

You now have two new creations. Who's who? Identity crisis, indeed.

Step 7: Clap Loudly Near Others

The kung-fu body is noise activated--so you can make Jesus trash-talk and attack the air by clapping or hitting a hard surface. If you so desired, you could probably rewire Jesus into a clapper.

The other byproduct, the bald baby Buddha, cannot do kung-fu. But he is creepy like none other.

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    102 Discussions

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    smoesle

    5 years ago

    HORRIBLE TAKING THE NAME OF THE LORD IN VAIN YOU MEANIE

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    smoesle

    5 years ago

    Deeply offended, I'm a Christian... :( WHY???????

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    kathryn$$$

    5 years ago

    I HATE you trash talk Jesus Unbelievable your stupid

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    Advar

    6 years ago on Introduction

    *gasp* okay... LOVE THIS! I understand how/ why people feel offened, and I'm non-religious (agnostic, atheist, pick a label). It's the IDEA of it and the project, not taking it as an "I intend to offend" thing. A Chuck Norris or Wednesday Aadams figure would work too. I'm not making light of anyone's feelings, just saying it's a nifty idea in and of itself. Thanks, Jaques.

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    mrmerino

    7 years ago on Step 5

    I'm not even Christian and I'm a little offended

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    mrmerino

    7 years ago on Step 3

    That's about the least-used sentence in the English language.

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    nokairen

    10 years ago on Introduction

    sir I think its kinda offensive, you could just make something out of other people but not to persons who inspire lots of nations like Buddha and Jesus. thanks for your understanding

    7 replies

    Well I don't know about you but I would much rather have had a kungfu trashtalking buddy christ than the usual "dinosaurs are something the commies invented" colouring books that they always sold at church.
    Not to mention that it makes sense, who else can walk on water fly and/or flip out? Ninjas can!

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    DeusXMachinanokairen

    Reply 9 years ago on Introduction

    I would imagine the most supreme and powerful, not to mention forgiving, being of the universe, would have a supreme and powerful sense of humor. :-P

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    dsman195276nokairen

    Reply 10 years ago on Introduction

    it's not really that bad. yes, it would have been nice if he would have used someone else for the model but just because he is using Jesus does not mean he is making fun of him.

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    piperjon

    8 years ago on Introduction

    Jesus walked the earth as a man, and in all likelyhood had feelings, a sense of humor, enjoyed food, had sore feet after a day of carpenter work, and all that other good stuff.  I doubt He'd mind the mash up.

    The original Buddha, Siddharta Gautama, was a well known prankster in his youth and loved to laugh, and would have found this to be HYSTERICAL in all likelyhood.

    Bonus Philosophical Mashup Statement: If you meet the Buddha in the road, don't kill him, recycle him as Jesus! 

    Well that's better than teaching children about a fatass pink rabbit that hides eggs....at least you're recognising Jesus (I bet $5 you read Cyanide & Happiness...)