Now Jesus has a bunch of powers to start with. He can be your friend. He can walk on water. He can even kill vampires. But despite all of his powers, Jesus cannot do kung-fu.
Ok, apparently he can. A quick google search revealed this pretty clearly, both in this case and this one too.
Whatever. This Kung-Fu Jesus fits in your pocket. You'll know that Jesus is always there to protect you.
As with all crazy projects, there are side effects. Crazy, alliterative side effects. Not only did we create a no-holds-barred evangelist, we made a bald baby sculpture who resembles Buddha. Strangely, Buddha is wearing Jesus' old digs.
Step 1: Find Jesus (and Other Supplies)
After some serious searching, I found Jesus...and purchased him. Search your local $1 stores and various religious sundry items bargain bins.
The kung-fu baby, on the other hand, was much easier to come by. One word: Walgreens. Feel free to pick up any necessary personal items while shopping for your kung-fu baby.
You'll also need a box-cutter, hot glue, and a bit of fabric such as an old t-shirt.
Step 2: Remove Kung-Fu Attire
We will be redressing Jesus, so no need for the original clothing.
We also turned the pants into boxers for Jesus so that he wouldn't have to go commando while he kung-fued.
Step 3: Decapitate the Baby
The baby's head should pop right off with a little concentrated pressure.
Step 4: Makeover!
The kung-fu baby came with an outfit of a white karate top and shiny red pants. Kung-fu Jesus wouldn't be seen wearing that in a million years. So we gave him some more traditional garb, a white robe made from an old t-shirt.
The main part of the robe was made by cutting three circular holes in a line on the t-shirt (arms and neck) and then trimming the edges.
The arms were made separately by sewing together a long, thin loop of fabric and hot gluing it back onto the body of the robe.
Step 5: Operate
Jesus' head was much less willing to pop off than the baby's, so we needed to perform a little surgical procedure. Using a boxcutter and a some wire cutters, we cut and plied around until his head fell off.
Watch out--if you don't act quickly, his wounds might heal by themselves.
Step 6: Recapitate the Baby. or Is It Jesus?
This is the crucial step. We now have two heads and two bodies that need reattaching.
Take the baby's head and cut off the neck. Glue this onto the bottom of Jesus' head--this way Jesus' head will have the fitting mechanism to pop back into the body. This will take some strong pressure. Add some more glue. Hopefully the robe fits snugly enough to cover most of the glue.
Glue the baby's head onto the (former) body of Jesus.
You now have two new creations. Who's who? Identity crisis, indeed.
Step 7: Clap Loudly Near Others
The kung-fu body is noise activated--so you can make Jesus trash-talk and attack the air by clapping or hitting a hard surface. If you so desired, you could probably rewire Jesus into a clapper.
The other byproduct, the bald baby Buddha, cannot do kung-fu. But he is creepy like none other.