Make Your Coworkers Calmer

Have you ever wished that your co-workers would just calm down? With just a few steps, you can turn the demeanor of your workplace from frazzled to friendly!

Step 1: Locate the Coffee Machine

If you have a frazzled workplace, chances are you have a coffee machine. You must locate this coffee machine. Listen for loud, agitated voices or statements such as "Is it ready yet?", "I'm no good until my second cup." or, "Decaf is for wimps!". Your quarry will be near.

Step 2: Locate the Coffee Supply

The coffee supply will be located somewhere near the machine. Try one of the cabinets or a closet nearby. This is a cherished item, and not to be trifled with. Be careful as you approach. You do not want to arouse suspicion.

Step 3: Switch It Up.

You must reduce the caffeine intake of your co-workers. Without this, they will never return to a human-like state. Hear me well. You must switch the beans. SWITCH THE BEANS! Make decaf, but put it in the regular pot. It is the only way!

Step 4: Switch It Up (continued)

Soon, your co-workers will return to their happy selves. They'll never know the difference, and their blood pressure monitoring devices will thank you.



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    4 Discussions


    I had one job where I just kept chocolate in my desk to give to co-workers who needed to chill out.

    1 reply

    2 years ago

    Switching coffee like this is an unethical choice. Caffeine can help with headaches and even with sleep and rest in the first half an hour. Switching decaf for regular is deceptive and says you probably need to work in marketing or sales (I say this with only the most venomous intent) Do good on willing participants. You and your experiment are being intentionally deceiving your co-works. Better solution is to change jobs.