Be warned: coffee snobs, avert thine eyes now. For what follows may cause you to gag or even smash your computer in disgust with me.
With that out of the way, I set to show you the method for making what has been called Ranger or Marine coffee. I was neither, but I was in the army and we did (unfortunately) drink this stuff. Just dont call it Air Force coffee. (They have personal baristas that bring them fresh starbucks and bagels every morning)
The army even features this in a cadence:
"They say that in the army, the coffee's mighty fine
It looks like muddy water, and tastes like turpentine."
Sayings like that dont just appear out of thin air. This one has its roots well based in reality.
Step 1: Coffee
This should be the cheapest, nastiest stuff you can find. (should make folgers look expensive)
Must absolutely be stale, none of that uppity whole bean stuff that you need to grind yourself. open the bag and leave it sitting out for a while.
Step 2: Filters
If you use a paper filter, you're wrong. This should be a paper towel at best. Realistically, you should use a sock or t-shirt (or even underwear) cut to approximate size of filter.
The cotton blend filter should be dirty for authenticity along with having a hole in it somewhere to allow copious amounts of coffee grounds to seep into the carafe. If a soiled filter isnt available, running a few dozen pots of coffee through it should do the trick.
Step 3: Maker
No fancy presses, espresso makers, keurig devices. Just a good 'ol mr coffee. Or a black n decker in my case.
Step 4: Brew
Brew your coffee just like you normally would
Step 5: Re-brew
Now the twist: take that coffee you just brew, pour it back into the resevoir, dump out the old coffee grounds, put fresh(ish) in, and brew it again.
You read that correctly, make coffee, with coffee. what you get should be dark, murky, and taste horrible. The smell should burn your nose and eyes. Just dont spill it on any painted surface unless you plan on repainting. But if it doesnt wake you up, you are most certainly a zombie.
Add cream and sugar to taste and enjoy.