Outsmart the Machines: How to Poop in Peace

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Introduction: Outsmart the Machines: How to Poop in Peace

A few years ago my work moved to a shiny new office. With it came some fancy new commodes that flush all by themselves. Whew no more touching the flusher and getting all those germs on my hands for the 10 second walk to the sink! The problem with these fancy toilets is any little adjustment while sitting and WHOOSH! flush goes the potty and you are left with a lovely mist of water on your fanny.

What am I to do?!

The solution is the 4 step, 3 sheet solution.

Step 1: Locate the "eye"

The first step is to find the toilet's eye. I imagine it to be like the Terminator's eye, scanning my every move. Find it and never take your eyes off of it.

Step 2: Reach for the TP

Now that you see the eye, it is time to give it a temporary blindfold. Grab 3* sheets of toilet paper and carefully drape them over the eye. It is now blind to all that you hope to accomplish in the stall.

*I have done thorough research and found that the perfect number is 3. 2 sheets if not enough and 4 is just wasteful.

Step 3: Do What You Came Here to Do.

Relax and do your business. Wiggle, squirm and otherwise be happy on the potty.

Step 4: Flush!

When you are all finished, stand up, stand back and remove the TP blindfold from the toilet. Having regained full sight the toilet should immediately scan the scene and flush.

Step 5: TL;DR

Cover the sensor on an automatic toilet with some TP so it doesn't flush while you are seated #firstworldproblems.

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    17 Discussions

    0
    Harvard82
    Harvard82

    4 years ago

    post it notes also work well.

    0
    birdunks
    birdunks

    Reply 4 years ago

    but then you have to carry post it notes into the bathroom. everyone is looking at you wondering... "what is he taking notes on in there?!"

    0
    StringGoddess
    StringGoddess

    Reply 1 year ago

    We had auto-flush toilets at my last job, so I just kept a small Post-it stuck to the back of my badge holder. If anyone asked, I said it was it my "flush preventer".

    0
    mrstan
    mrstan

    4 years ago

    Just leave the paper on and will be a landmine for the next weary traveler.. LOL

    0
    lm5392
    lm5392

    4 years ago

    thank you for this tip was always a problem B4

    0
    thepantheonzaibatsu
    thepantheonzaibatsu

    4 years ago

    Love it! Good for you for having the guts to post this wonderful hack. :)

    0
    wilwrk4tls
    wilwrk4tls

    4 years ago

    So now you can build your paper nest in peace...

    And, while this is indeed a first world problem, it is one I will still champion wholeheartedly!

    0
    GGinNJ
    GGinNJ

    4 years ago

    Reminds me of that statement "dear automatic flushing toilet, while I admire your enthusiasm, I wasn't finished yet!"

    0
    GGinNJ
    GGinNJ

    4 years ago

    Reminds me of that statement "dear automatic flushing toilet, while I admire your enthusiasm, I wasn't finished yet!"

    0
    KVSBUNNY
    KVSBUNNY

    4 years ago

    voted for you! A bidet would be ok, but the misting just isn

    0
    mtairymd
    mtairymd

    4 years ago

    I'm glad you optimized Step 2....lol

    0
    piperjon
    piperjon

    4 years ago

    You are my new hero! (Don't tell Batman, he'll be crushed...)

    0
    lgooms
    lgooms

    4 years ago

    Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

    0
    wold630
    wold630

    4 years ago

    I think almost everyone can relate to this!!!