Introduction: Playing the Spoons Questionably.

About: A Northern Ireland based maker with a propensity to cause trouble and freshly constructed family.

A few days ago my friend and I started making jokes about forming a ridiculous band, when it came to the question of what I'd play we came to the spoons and at first, this was just a fun joke to tell people, then on one rather drunken night, Sam turned around and said "this is our chief spoon player! Play the spoons..."

We all knew it be horrific and I'd make sounds that kill cats.

However after I figured out the easiest way to make a noise with two spoons and your hand I played a chunk of low rider, the verse, which is a desperately easy song to remember because it's somehow been connected with me.

Sam turned round open mouth and went "That, that's F**king Lowrider! Epic"

Turns out spoons are easy to play...

Step 1: Picking Spoons

Your choice of spoon will pretty much determine how badly this will go, I warn you of that now.

The easiest kind of spoon to work with is probably a table spoon, though girls may be better with tea spoons because their hands are smaller, I honestly know very little about playing spoons.

It should have a flat handle, because they need to sit kind of together and round ones don't work well, also no plastic at all, I don't know why but if you're using spoons as an instrument then you'll need to have metal all the way, obviously you need to have a metal spoon bit, but no plastic handles either.

The spoons shouldn't be too heavy either, mainly because when they are it's hard to keep a fast beat right, also I wouldn't go near the silverware, it'd get flat spots on the back, be heavy and not sound as nice...

Then again, I just picked two spoons out of the dish rack, while under the influence, so take my advice as it is. Questionable.

Step 2: Techniques?

Eh there are two ways of many rather foolish combinations that I got to work, kind of...

Holding one spoon of the pair facing down, between your index finger and middle finger and the other facing up between your index finger and thumb, from what I gathered it's completely useless to hit them together with your hands, in fact if you don't hold them tight they tend to go sideways and such...

Hitting them off stuff is the key, your leg and your hand seem to be handy for this, though for someone who didn't quite get what he's up to I could be horrifically wrong about how exactly the spoons are supposed to be played

The other way of holding them that worked pretty well was one gripped by your pinky and ring finger, and against your middle finger with the top spoon being held by thumb against your index finger.

have a look at the photos for clearer explanation, hold the bottom spoon tight and rigid and the top spoon quite tight, but enough that when the bottom spoon hits something the top spoon hits it.

Step 3: Hitting Them Off Stuff.

To play your spoons you let one spoon hit the other, usually by bring a spoon down on something.

Your leg or hand makes a good starting point, then with your leg on the bottom and the hand on top you can double up a beat, with two different noises.

You can also use your fingers to play off, giving a cool ratatatat, hold your hand splayed out and your fingers firm, they need to be very firm or it won't work...

You could play them off of other objects I suppose but depending on what you hit it'll drown out the noise...

Thinner spoons make a kind of ringing, thicker ones make a clink...

Step 4: Impress the World...

Actually if you have good rhythm a spoon solo could be added to anything...

Also you can make many interesting sets of noise by combining hand movements...

In general, I have no idea about playing spoons though, I'm sure the internet has a premiere spoon playing site or some such. As far as I know they don't make music spoons...

At some point I will happen upon a professional spoon player and learn the art truly...

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