Pastafarians, rejoice! The Flying Spaghetti Monster does not subcontract the job of distributing gifts to the children of the world. His infinitely many noodly appendages do their own deliveries.
Now you can capture the joy and majesty of the Seasonings in a sweet and crunchy treat.
Step 1: Provisions
1 1/2 - 2 cups chow mein noodles
12 oz white candy melts
4 oz "bright white" candy melts (not shown)
4 oz red candy melts
48 small candy eyes - store-bought or homemade
48 malted milk balls
Wilton disposable candy decorating bags - these are important because you can microwave and melt/remelt your candy right in the bag
Step 2: Mounds of His Noodly Goodness
Lay out a piece of parchment paper on a counter or cookie sheet.
In a large microwavable bowl, melt the white candy melts according to the directions on the package. Typically, it will take several minutes and you will want to stir them once or twice while heating.
Add about 1 1/2 cup chow mein noodles and stir to coat.
Drop a small mound of the coated noodles on the parchment paper. Using your hands or a spoon, arrange the noodles into a sort of triangular mound as shown. The goal is to place your malted milk ball "meatballs" somewhat side-by-side on top of this so move the noodles around until you can. Then place your malted milk balls into position.
Step 3: He Sees You When You're Sleeping...
Once the candy melts have hardened examine your mound for possible eyestalks. You will want to find a few long noodles sort of sticking out toward the top of the mound on which to place these. If you don't see any likely locations, pull a few noodles out of your bowl of candy-coated noodles and place them for eyestalks. (If necessary, the bowl can be microwaved for bursts of 30 seconds, stirring between bursts.) If desired, you may also add a few more noodles around and/or alongside the malted milk balls at this time.
When additional noodles are in place and hardened, you'll add the eyes. Place about 4 ounces of bright white candy melts into a candy decorating bag and melt, using a microwave, according to instructions. Once they are melted, snip off the end of the bag near the point.
Add a SMALL drop of the melted white candy to the end of each eyestalk and place an eye on each.
Step 4: Santa Hats: Seasoning for Your FSM
Place about 4 ounces red candy melts into a candy decorating bag and melt, using a microwave, according to instructions. Then snip off the end near the point.
Lay out another piece of parchment paper on a counter or cookie sheet. Pipe solid triangles freehand. Form the triangles with the bottoms about 1" across and 1" tall. Don't worry about the texture on the top. You'll be turning these over to use as Santa hats. Once they are cool, peel off the triangles and turn them over.
Remelt your bright white candy in the decorating bag by placing the bag on a microwave safe plate and heating for 15-30 second bursts, carefully kneading the bag with your fingers between bursts. Pipe a blobby (that's the technical term) white stripe across the bottom of the triangle and a dot on the top. Let cool completely.
Make sure your bright white candy melts are still warm and melted. If not, remelt as before, with short bursts, kneading the bag carefully between bursts.
Peel a treat off the parchment paper and carefully pipe a thick line on the "top" of your FSM, behind the eye stalks (see picture). Lay the treat on the parchment paper and press a Santa hat in place. Let cool until hardened.
Have yourself a marinara Christmas!