Introduction: The Dirty American
Ever wonder what the most patriotic breakfast food possible might be? Ever want to feel really truely American? Desire to eat everything that is great all at once?! This recipe is for you.
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Step 1: Gather Your Ingredients Because You Deserve Them
Go to the grocery store and buy a pile of chorizo, a cluster of cut bacon, a slice of American cheese, and two doughnuts. Search endlessly along the highways and backyards of your city until you find a growth of nasturtiums. Pluck one mercilessly and apologize later.
Step 2: Fry Time
Heat your cast iron pan until it's blazing hot and then fry the living hell out of the bacon. Once the bacon is cooked remove it from the pan. Use the leftover bacon grease to cook the chorizo into shimmering perfection.
Step 3: Doughnutting Right
Now that the meat is done it's time for the sugar. Each Dirty American requires two doughnuts, one for the base and one for the top. Place the doughnuts on a microwave safe plate, cover with a paper towel and microwave for 15 seconds.
Step 4: Stacking
Now that your prep work is done, firmly place one hot doughnut on a new plate, sprinkle with chorizo and drape with bacon in whatever proportion you feel is necessary. Carefully, as though playing in the world championship of Jenga, place your second hot doughnut on top of the first. Unwrap a slice of American cheese and sprawl it atop your creation. Place the entire plate in the microwave and heat for 20 seconds or until the cheese begins to bubble.
Step 5: Garish
Remove the plate from the microwave, and allow to cool for 1 minute. Atop this glorious mountain, place a single nasturtium flower, face up. Move your Dirty American to a small plate to further illustrate the magnitude of your accomplishment and raise your plate to waist height in hard won celebration.
Step 6: Consumption
Crack a beer and enjoy everything you've fought so hard to keep.