The Ultimate Zombie Stopper

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Introduction: The Ultimate Zombie Stopper

About: I made a beer mug with only a knife and a hatchet. I think that says a lot about me.

Danger is in the region.
Many dead men.
Walking.
Chasin' survivors.

Firing before asking.
Ammunition becomes scarce.
Noisy business.
Risky business.

Starting to love
the smell of burning zombie in the morning...

Working 'round the farm is gettin' difficult.
Close encounters.
Too much too frequent.

New weapons are required.
New tactics developed.
Danger sharpens the mind.

Our outpost came up with something new.
Something light.
Something simple.
Something deadly accurate.

The ultimate skull crusher.

Spread the word around.

Whuha from the outpost.

Step 1: Get That Handle

In our hedges, lots of common hazel.
Wonderful wood.
Straight & fast growing.
Relatively hard.
Resistant to smashing.
Perfect tool wood.

Get a branch with a nice curve.
Oval shaped at the base.
Don't forsake your security.
Work in daylight.
Stay aware.

Found it?
Cut it, fast.

Look at most heavy duty tools.
They all have oval cross sections.
Much more difficult to break.
Your weapon should resist a lot of impact.

Zombie skulls are resistant.
Make it the best you can.

Step 2: Power to the Blade

Metal is good.
But metal is heavy.
And much energy is needed to work it.
Energy is scarce, around here.

So I went back to basics.
Got a few heavy wooden olive elbows in my workshop.
Fated to be transformed in boomerangs.
When times were peaceful.
Heavy, resistant wood.
Highly energetic.
Good karma.

Try to find that elbow.
Dense wood required.
Oak, hornbeam, maple, that stuff.
Check out for fallen trees.
Rootwood is just perfect.
Try to get it already dry.
There's no time to dry it.

To shape it I have one advice.
Less is more.
Get it minimalistic.
Save your energy.

Cut the elbow into slices - half inch thick.
Round the corners.
V-shape the cutting edge.
Keep the weight in the blade.
Sand it smooth.
Oil it carefully.

Step 3: Shape That Handle

Present the blade to the handle.
Mark the contact zones between both.

Start digging those sockets.
Or do like me: start the power supply, connect the grinder and burn the holes out.

Don't disturb the energy of the blade by drilling holes in it to fix it to the handle.
Would be like drilling a hole in a diamond to fix it to a ring.
Not one idiot does that.

Use good old pressure to keep it in place.
Easy to fix, easy to dismantle.
Minimalistic, again.

If it's too crowdy out there, do this manually with a chisel.
Don't attract more of them then you can neutralize.
Safety first, more then ever.

Stain it, blood patches will be less visible.

One strong cup of tea.
The darkest you can.
One cup vinegar, a bunch of steelwool.
Tea on the handle. Lots.
Let it dry.
Time for steelmix.
Instant result.
You're done.

Once dried, oil it with walnut oil.
Welcome to the dark side.

Step 4: Assemble Them Smasher

Reinforce the sockets.
Paracord or zombie tendon.
Prevent the handle from splitting.
Fisherman's knots.

Press the blade in its sockets.

Ready is that smasher.

Step 5: Stay Alive

Never had a more useful weapon.
Light, fast, accurate.
And beautiful, if you ask me.

Build it. You've got nothing more to loose.

Spread the word around.

Whuha from the outpost.

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    37 Discussions

    0
    AdamG230
    AdamG230

    7 months ago

    I love the way this was written!!! It was like a poem on how to bash zombies. Now I have to make this!!

    0
    bartworker
    bartworker

    Reply 6 years ago on Introduction

    Crushing skulls has always had something poetic in many ways...

    0
    jtaylor115
    jtaylor115

    Reply 5 years ago

    like "Sparrow Egg Between Thigh" lol

    0
    Grunambulax
    Grunambulax

    Reply 6 years ago

    more like Zombie Haiku

    0
    themanwoaname

    Totally not a fan at all how the instructable was written. I dont like the idea of having to decode what I'm reading to see if it's something I can make.

    Not to mention there's no evidence of it actually being of any use other than two pressure fit pieces of art.

    0
    jtaylor115
    jtaylor115

    Reply 5 years ago

    useful? not in daily life but for us zombie fenatics who are into collecting or creating props this one goes as a priceless one and makes it a personal one to our collection if we decide to make it...and no 2 would ever be the same.

    0
    themanwoaname
    themanwoaname

    Reply 6 years ago on Introduction

    Which is sad, because as frustrating as it is to read and simplify this instructable; I noticed I've favorited a few of his other projects.

    0
    Runawayscott
    Runawayscott

    5 years ago on Step 5

    I think it's really cool. But how does the blade stay in the sockets? Is there a specific way they're cut to keep the blade in?

    0
    bartworker
    bartworker

    Reply 5 years ago on Step 5

    Thanx scott! Those sockets are just a little bit too narrow, if you want, and slightly conic - the deeper you go the narrower it becomes. Something like that.

    0
    Runawayscott
    Runawayscott

    Reply 5 years ago on Introduction

    I can see how that would work. Thanks for the tip. I'd like to try building one, once I have some woodworking experience. Nice, minimalist zombie killer.

    0
    michaelrobbutler
    michaelrobbutler

    6 years ago

    Interesting way to write this! I liked it though, good job!

    0
    bartworker
    bartworker

    Reply 6 years ago on Introduction

    Thanx michael - our zombies didn't like it, btw! ;)

    0
    ToggleSwitch
    ToggleSwitch

    6 years ago on Introduction

    I was too distracted by your zombie narration to see. What did you use to keep the blade on the stick?

    0
    bartworker
    bartworker

    Reply 6 years ago on Introduction

    Like Ezava commented, the blade is just pressed in the slots. No screws no glue, it stays very well in place and it's removable with a little effort.

    A little Ironic, yet fitting at the same time... Olive branches are normally identified as a symbol of peace but are also lesser known as a symbol of victory.

    Nice work.

    0
    Huncker
    Huncker

    6 years ago on Introduction

    No time to be nice
    Always thought pretty weapons sucked
    Now I know better
    Whuha