Put a wooden stake through its heart! Put it in the inferno of fire. Yummm, tasty.
Make vampire bat satay on a stick with ordinary ingredients. Silver utensils recommended but not required.
Bats are normally good for the ecosystem unless you want to get rid of a bunch of blood-sucking, money grabbing, greedy sons of....wait, that's Wall Street, I digress...
For a Halloween treat at the buffet or dinner table, prepare this ghoulish dish that can be served as finger food,appetizer or the main course. No sit-down dinner as your guests might be running.
Step 1: Where's the Beef?
You shouldn't really eat real bats, eat the other bat meat, beef.
You will need a grainy cut of beef like flank steak or brisket.
You will need some ground beef to use for filler.
If you are making the proverbial bat from hell, chop up some spicy hot peppers and mix in with the beef. Chili powder or hot sauces can also be mixed in. Adjust the level of heat desired. You can also spice up the dipping sauce. That would be some crazy fn bat sauce.
You will need some veggie to cut out for the fangs. I used radishes. You can substitute some other firm root vegetable like turnip, parsnip, water chestnuts, etc.
Have a sharp knife.
Have a meat tenderizer/pounder to flatten out the fillet.
You will need to have a marinade for the beef to give it some extra dark color. I used some "Gravy Master" and soy sauce.
Use any seasonings or rub that you like - onion, garlic, ginger, salt, pepper, herbs and spices...
A few whole peppercorns to use for the eyes.
Vegetable oil to coat.
Bamboo skewers - pre-soak them in water to help prevent burning in the oven
You can use the broiler in the oven or if you are still stuck in your parent's basement or the dorm - the toaster oven might work in a fix.
Step 2: De Butchery
The flank steak or brisket was selected because it has a pronounced grain that would look like the bat wings. I think any kind of cut of steak would really work.
Cut into pieces a bit longer than a deck of cards. The steak might be a half inch thick.
Butterfly out each of the sides of the piece. You are trying to extend the wingspan of the bat. You can shape it a bit more by tapering to a pointy tip.
Leave a bump in the middle.
Create a small pocket in the middle bump by inserting the knife.
Use a really sharp knife for this and be careful. These are the ceramic knives I won in one of the other ibles food contests. Man, are they sharp. Instead of nicking my fingernail, it did slice through a little. *cringe*
Pound out the wings to flatten them out evenly.
Prepare your marinade and marinade these parts.
Step 3: Give It Some Bite...
Slice up the radishes into disks.
Cut out the center portion to form a set of fangs.
You may shape the fangs a bit to round off the squarish edges.
Cut 2 notches in the top of the pocket hole and hang the fangs in position.
Fill up the cavity with ground beef and form the bat head and ears. Try to encase the fangs so it will hold.
Place two whole peppercorns as the eyes.
Have your bamboo skewers pre-soaked in water. It helps to keep them from burning in the oven.
Now you can stick it to them. Skewer through your bats. It may be tricky because the meat is tender. Just keep them flat, press down and slide the skewer in lengthwise.
Wrap any exposed bamboo skewer ends with tinfoil to keep them from burning in the oven.
Sprinkle with oil and they should be ready to go in under the broiler.
Step 4: Go Batty...
Throw them under the broiler for about 10-20 minutes until they get nice and browned.
Beef does continue to cook after it is taken off the heat so if you like them rarer...bloody rare, use less time in the oven.
Serve with rice pilaf.
You can serve with stake sauce or make a nice traditional peanut dipping sauce.