Jokes and Pranks That Will Get You Rolling on the Floor

(side note i am not liable if Any thing is taken offencive in any way shape or form, you are injured hospitalized or harmed this is for demonstration purposes olny. And thank you for reading) 
also this is my first instructable so constructive critisiziam

YO MOMMA SO STUPID JOKES
Yo momma so stupid she studied for a drug test! 
Yo momma so stupid, she thought, "Wu Tang" was an African orange drink
Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved
Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone
Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money
Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund
Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K."
Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread
Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners
Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch
Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home
Yo momma so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain
Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was, "Illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ
Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice
Yo momma so stupid she asked you, "What is the number for 911?"
Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out
Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl
Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back
Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train
Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?" she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."
Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif
Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean

 YO MOMMA SO UGLY JOKES
Yo mamma so ugly she went into a haunted house and came out with an application
Yo momma so ugly and fat, Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant
Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her
Yo momma so ugly even the elephant man paid to see her
Yo momma so ugly even the tide won't take her out
Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone
Yo momma so ugly her dentist treats her by mail-order
Yo momma so ugly her face is closed on weekends
Yo momma so ugly her face was on fire and I had to use a snow shovel to put it out
Yo momma so ugly her mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo momma so ugly her parents had to feed her with a slingshot
Yo momma so ugly her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel
Yo momma so ugly her pillow cries at night
Yo momma so ugly her shadow gave up
Yo momma so ugly hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats
Yo momma so ugly I can't even make a joke out of it
Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound
Yo momma so ugly I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back.
Yo momma so ugly if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away
Yo momma so ugly if ugly were bricks, she'd have her own projects
Yo momma so ugly if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it
Yo momma so ugly it looks like she got hit with a hot sack of nickels
Yo momma so ugly it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym
Yo momma so ugly it looks like she's been bobbing for french fries
Yo momma so ugly my dog took one look at her and ran away
Yo momma so ugly people at the circus pay money not to see her
Yo momma so ugly people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her
Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween
Yo momma so ugly people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen

YO MOMMA SO FAT JOKES
Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!
Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! "
Yo momma so fat, when she runs she makes the cd played skip, at the radio station!!!
Yo momma so fat, when she went out side in a red dress, everyone yelled, "HEY, KOOL-AID!"
Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo momma so fat her waist size is equator!
Yo momma so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell!
Yo momma so fat shes on both sides of the family.
Yo momma so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo momma so fat she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says, "To be continued."
Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo momma so fat we're in her right now.
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
Yo momma so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
Yo mamma so fat, you have to roll over twice to get off her
Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.
Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling, "Free Willy!"
Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo momma so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say, "Taxi!"

YO MOMMA SO SHORT JOKES
Yo momma so short she gotta slam-dunk her bus fare
Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence
Yo momma so short, she models for trophys
Yo Momma so short that she has to hold up a sign that says, "Dont Spit! I Cant Swim!"
Yo mama's so short, she can play handball on the curb
Yo mama's so short, when I was dissin' her she tried to jump kick me in the ankle
Yo mama's so short, she can do push-ups under the door
Yo mama's so short, she does pull-ups on a staple
Yo mama's so short, she can limbo under the door
Yo mama's so short, when she sneezes, she hits her head on the floor
Yo mama's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs
Yo mama's so short, she broke her leg jumping off the toilet
Yo mama's so short, she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet
Yo mama's so short, she can do backflips under the bed
Yo mama's so short, she can hang glide on a Doritos
Yo mama's so short, her homies are the Keebler Elfs
Yo mama's so short, she can surf on a popsicle stick
Yo mama's so short, she can take a bath in a thimble

O MOMMA SO POOR JOKES
Yo momma so poor, she bounces food stamps
Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to live in a two story Cheerio box
Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention
Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush
Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway
Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk
Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money
Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Moving."
Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers
Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"
Yo Momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp
Yo Momma is so poor when she heard about the last supper she thought she had ran out of food stamps
Yo Momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
Yo Momma so poor she drives a peanut
Yo Momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning
Yo Momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus
Yo Momma so poor you asked her where the facilities were, and she said, "Pick a corner, any corner."
Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet
Yo Momma so poor the building society repossed her cardboard box
Yo Momma so poor she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch
Yo Momma so poor she can't even afford to go to the free clinic
Yo Momma so poor I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
Yo Momma so poor I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."
Yo Momma so poor when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
Yo Momma so poor she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry
Yo Momma so poor I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
Yo Momma so poor I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence
Yo Momma so poor when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"
Yo momma so poor I went to the park and stepped on a lit cigarette and she said "Who turned off the heat"
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even put her two cents in this conversation


Confusing Drawers

Before your co-worker arrives at the office remove his desk drawers and switch them around. He will definitely scratch his head over this one. Hint: In case you cannot remove the drawers, just remove the items and swap them

Pen Cap Swap

Take all of your co-wrokers pens and replace them with your pens that your glued caps on to the night before. He will not be able to take the caps off to use the pens.

Speak Up!

Tell the new employee that a certain someone else is hard of hearing so he better speak up everytime he talks to him. Tell that certain other person the same exact thing about the new employee. Then watch as communicate with each other in high volume every time.

Would You Like A Hertz Donut?

Ask a classmate if he would like a Hertz Donut. After he asks you what a 'Hertz Donut' is...punch his arm as hard as you can. Make sure it 'Hertz'

Fun With Lunch Trays

During lunchtime in the cafeteria, fill your plastic lunch tray with ketchup. Fill it all the way to the top and put it back with all the other dirty trays for the lunch lady to clean.
Reverse Door Knob

Remove someone's doorknob and reinstall it with the lock on the inside. Works best if the victim is in the room and the door is locked and you have his/her keys.

Salty Toothpaste

Sprinkle some salt on your victim's toothbrush. When this person goes to brush their teeth, he or she will get a salty tasted treat.

Cream Cheese Deodorant

Scrape off about an inch or so of your victim's deodorant and replace it with cream cheese. It will take a few minutes to sculpt the cheese in place to look like the deodorant. When finished, put the lid back on and back where you found the deodorant. When your victim needs to freshen up again, he will get a cream cheese surprise

Voice Recognition Technology

Put an intercom inside a machine and then convince some nerd that it is an AI with voice recognition.

Bookmark Prank

While your victim is away from his computer, change all of his browser bookmarks so they go to porn sites or site with obscene material. Be sure to keep the title the same though, this way he or she won't know its changed until they click on it.

Speed Up The Double Click

While your victim is away from his or her computer, change the double click setting on the mouse. To do this, just go to to start, settings, control panel and then mouse. Make it so fast that it is nearly impossible to do.

Thanks for reading (no i dont have a camera so Admin Don't Try Me)

Share

    Recommendations

    • Sensors Contest

      Sensors Contest
    • Fandom Contest

      Fandom Contest
    • 1 Hour Challenge

      1 Hour Challenge

    Discussions