Jokes

Well just post jokes its a bit of fun.

Posted by K-Dawg 9 years ago


What are some really funny jokes?

I want to amuse my friends with funny jokes, do u hav any good ones?

Asked by anna rox 9 years ago | last reply 7 years ago


Inside Jokes

Ever thought about how many useless unimportant inside jokes that we have? They just go on and on!

Posted by anna rox 9 years ago | last reply 9 years ago


practical jokes

File:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/susnew/Desktop/link%20to%20instruct%201.htm check this out^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ hey guys check this out sorry about the pics i really don't have a camera sorry

Posted by modaawesome 7 years ago | last reply 6 years ago


What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

There are many jokes about good ol' Chuck:  Every night the Boogey Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris; Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.  Those are a few examples but there are hundreds more. Share your best!

Posted by VerendusVir 7 years ago | last reply 6 years ago


Hilarious Jokes.... XD

Like many others, I am a person that loves to laugh, so if you got any good jokes or hard riddles, let everyone know.  Here are a few of my favorite jokes- Bungee-Jumping in Mexico Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?" An American, a German, and a Mexican  There is an American, a German, and a Mexican. They are in all in a boat. The boat is about to sink. Each of them have to throw things out to make the boat lighter. The German throws out 4 cases of beer and says, "We have a lot of bear in Germany so we don't need these!" The Mexican throws out 5 cases of burritos and says, "We have a lot of burritos in Mexico so we don't need these!" The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out. The German asks why he threw the Mexican out. And the American replies, "We have a lot of Mexicans in America so we don't need him!."

Posted by Glad(to-meet-ya)ys 8 years ago | last reply 7 years ago


Post your best jokes here!!!

Whoever posts the best damn joke there is (judged by me) will win a free patch.(not a huge prize, but I hope you still try) Note: The jokes should be appropriate, with no bad language. (8+) The comp has been won! ilpug won with his hilarious panda joke! I hope you all enjoyed each others jokes!

Posted by HMice 6 years ago | last reply 1 year ago


favorite knock knock jokes

I heard this knock knock joke a few days ago, and it has became my favorite. Here it goes. Knock Knock Who's there? Smellmop. Smellmop who? I like it because it sounds like smell my poo. Anyways, that's my favorite, what's your guys' favorite knock knock joke?

Posted by CLASSIFIEDINFORMATION 10 years ago | last reply 5 years ago


I want to mess with my friends computer. I can get his IP easily, but I don't know what to do as a friendly joke.? Answered

I would love to joke around with my friends computer. If you could help me out with this would be awesome.

Asked by 9 years ago | last reply 9 years ago


Spare Time? Answered

I need something interesting to do at my house during the summer!!!!!

Asked by Goalie1 8 years ago | last reply 8 years ago


Palin as President.

Hello everyone, i found this and thought you might like this, palin as president.com although, what ever you do dont click this! BTW, check out my first slideshow of Classic solitaire.

Posted by Yerboogieman 10 years ago


Keyboard jokes

Keyboard jokes

Posted by DELETED_bertwert 4 years ago | last reply 4 years ago


A Friend With a Forum

Recently a friend & I have worked out how to make a forum, so we have. Problem is, we have a lack of people who have joined to give constructive criticism! The website is www.wendol.myfreeforum.org, and my account is KryptoniCamel for any one that wants to ask any questions. Thanks everyone, Regards, Kryptonite.

Posted by Kryptonite 9 years ago | last reply 9 years ago


joke

Congratulations to Kiteman, and wish him success in his cat food factory.

Posted by rimar2000 6 years ago | last reply 6 years ago


Chuck Norris Jokes

Whats your favorite Chuck Norris Joke?

Posted by mikaelthemycologist 9 years ago | last reply 9 years ago


What is the funniest joke you have ever heard that doesnt cuss? Answered

I dont want a joke that cusses. that's it. But it can be a yo mama joke or anything. Hopefully the community will get some laughs over the holidays

Asked by Bert99 8 years ago | last reply 7 years ago


Dude, Tell Me Some Jokes

Post some of your favorite jokes, or I'll send hasslehoff after you

Posted by TheCheese9921 12 years ago | last reply 9 years ago


The best joke in an Instructable

One thing I like a lot when reading Instructables is how creators give a personal spin to their project descriptions and the instructions on how te make something. Sometimes there is even a small laugh on my face when somewhere hidden in step 9, picture 2 there is a funny joke. I can't help it that I include some silly dad jokes myself in my projects.  The idea of this topic is to create a collection that make you smile. A quest for the hidden (dad)jokes in projects. Which ones are your favorites? Since most dad jokes only work in  context I suggest you only post the link to the Instructable and how hard you laughed about it. Not the joke itself out of context. Then we can all go hunting for that silly joke. 

Posted by thijsv 1 year ago | last reply 1 year ago


Write down your best science jokes to win Pro Membership for 3 months!!!

Hi,  I'm a maker and hacker here at the Instructables, and I have a few pro membership codes for the best science joke writers. Write a funny joke in the comment section and on 30th of April I'll send pro membership codes for the best three jokes. Good luck! Best, Imetomi

Posted by Imetomi 2 years ago | last reply 2 years ago


What do you think of these jokes?

Hello, This is Daredevil 499 and I would like to introduce to you my new idea of posting 2 or 3 jokes, 2 or 3 times a week. I will post jokes almost week, and I want You to vote For your favorite Joke. Just post a comment with a number (either 1, 2, or 3) representing which joke you like best. Also where do you think I should post these jokes? Should they be in the questions or in the forums? Here are the first three jokes: 1. Who was the greatest financier in bible times? Noah, He floated his stocks while everyone else was in liquidation! 2. What do you call A monkey in a minefield? A Baboom! 3.Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed! Now that you know the jokes please let me know which one was your favorite. And remember don't forget to subscribe. Thanks Here is my new post. please take a look. https://www.instructables.com/community/What-Do-you-think-of-these-jokes/

Asked by daredevil499 6 years ago | last reply 5 years ago


How do I make a Batch file echo a random set thing, like jokes?

Hi, I'm wondering how to make a Batch file tell jokes. I know quite a bit about Batch, and I'm making a butler. I want him to tell jokes that I code for him, but random ones. If he has, let's say, three available jokes coded for him, how would I make him tell one of them randomly, not in order or by the user's input? Help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Asked by TheBigRoosterYo 2 years ago | last reply 2 years ago


What Do You Think Of These Jokes 3

I'm sorry this took so long to post(I've been a little busy), but here are some more jokes. 1. The Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off. 2. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?'' 3. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds." I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck." well let me know which one(s) are your favorite! just comment down below! next post due January, 23,2013 (I'm posting something every other wednesday) until then, remember to comment,and subscribe!:)

Posted by daredevil499 5 years ago


"Joke" or "Funny" Instructables

Do you accept "joke" or Instructables based solely on "humor"? Do you think they should be allowed on Instructables? IMHO, if they are actually funny and/or build something cool in the process, I let them pass. Others, not so much. What say you?

Posted by Bran 11 years ago | last reply 11 years ago


What is the funniest yo mama joke you ever heard? Answered

I need some serious burns. Please help

Asked by Bert99 8 years ago | last reply 8 years ago


not a joke

What i do if i got my hands on a ibm thinkpad a really old one 

Posted by mr.militarymaster 6 years ago | last reply 6 years ago


guess-the-joke's-punchline contest

EDIT: THE CONTEST HAS CLOSED!the winners:blue ribbon: GorillazmikoHonorable mention: Dsman195267the joke:A man walks into a fireworks store and asks: "Can I have a bang for a buck?"the joke with honorable mention:a man walks into a fireworks store and says: "it's dark in here, can I have a match?"

Posted by DJ Radio 10 years ago | last reply 10 years ago


What Do you think of these jokes

Hello, Daredevil 499 here, and I would like to introduce to you my new idea of posting 2 or 3 jokes, 2 or 3 times a week. I will post jokes almost every week, and I want You to vote For your favorite Joke. Just post a comment with a number (either 1, 2, or 3) representing which joke you like best. I'll keep posting if people like it. Here are the jokes: 1. Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! 2. What is it called when you loan money to a buffalo? A Buffa-loan! 3. What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work! Well let me know what you think, and don't forget to subscribe!   (the jokes will get better as time goes on, and I will add a link to this when I make my next post)

Posted by daredevil499 6 years ago | last reply 2 years ago


2 eggs walk into a fridge

This is an animated joke I made for class. I heard the joke from this 14 yo German girl and laughed so hard. Hope you enjoy it and please share if it makes you smile :)

Posted by Bungi-bun 6 years ago | last reply 6 years ago


There's a joke recipe for cup cakes which, when demonstrated, starts frothing up in the bowl, anyone know it?

I can remember this from watching it as a child and would love to do it, but I have no idea what the 'secret' ingredient might be - help!

Asked by Tamsinhull 9 years ago | last reply 9 years ago


Batch programming: this doesn't work?

Ok, so I've been making a program that tells jokes (just as a test). What I'm trying doesn't work for some reason, and I don't know why. Can you tell me how to fix this, or give me a new code that does the same thing but without a separate .txt file? Here's the code: @echo off title Joke Test color 0a :joke set /a joke=%random% %% 6+1 if %joke%==1 do ( cls echo. echo           What is the stupidest animal in the jungle? pause > nul echo. echo                       The polar bear. pause > nul goto menu ) if %joke%==2 do ( cls echo. echo            Where did Mary go after the explosion? pause > nul echo. echo                       Everywhere!                      pause > nul goto menu ) if %joke%==3 do ( cls echo. echo                  Knock knock. pause > nul echo. echo                  Who's there? pause > nul echo. echo                  Europe. pause > nul echo. echo                  Europe who? pause > nul echo. echo                  No ur a poo! pause > nul goto menu ) if %joke%==4 do ( cls echo. echo       A man walks into a zoo. The only animal there is a dog. pause > nul echo. echo                       It's a shitzhu. pause > nul goto menu ) if %joke%==5 do ( cls echo. echo           What do you call a kid with facial deformation? pause > nul echo. echo                           Names. pause > nul goto menu ) if %joke%==6 do ( cls echo. echo           What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? pause > nul echo. echo                          Aye matey! pause > nul goto menu )

Asked by TheBigRoosterYo 2 years ago | last reply 2 years ago


I have a Joke

Ok this is the Joke A Catholic engaged couple are in the car and the die just before the wedding and the go to heaven and they are at the pearly gates and see a pastor. they ask him if the can get married in heaven and he says "I'll go check". Four days later he comes back to the couple and hes says yes you can. Then the married couple says "Well 50% of marriages end in devorice. Can we get devoriced in heaven? and then the pastor says. For the love of Pete women it took me for days to find a Preist dfo you know how long It'll take me to find a lawyer!

Posted by Metal4God 11 years ago | last reply 9 years ago


"Meow", the joke that never gets noticed!

    Okay, the joke I am going to be showing you is called "Meow".  It was invented by my brother in 8th grade, and it is absolutely hilarious! Oh, and by the by, you need to be able to keep a straight face for this joke, or it will not work.     So, the joke is very simple. You just insert a subtle "meow" into your sentence when you are talking to someone.  Example:     "Hey, man! How are you doing?"  "Oh, pretty good, meow."  "That's great."  "So, meow, umm, have you heard of the concert coming to town? meow."  "Yeah, I've heard of it."  "Are you going? meow."  "No, I can't."  "meow. Well, that sucks. meow. Well, I'm going to the concert. meow."  "Well, see you later, I have a bus to catch."  "Okay, meow. See you later!"      It really helps to make the pitch of the "meow"s to be the same as the sentence before or after.  My brother had to do a speech in front of the class, and he said "meow" FIFTY-TWO times in the the speech, and nobody noticed!

Posted by eulaliaaaa! 8 years ago | last reply 7 years ago


MP5K

Here is a pic of me firin mah MP5K! LMFAO

Posted by DrWeird117 10 years ago | last reply 10 years ago


Got Riddles?

Post any riddles or jokes that you have here!

Posted by seawee65 5 years ago


lol stuff

This topic is for anything funny if it is pics, jokes, or anything just plain funny

Posted by cupcake43 8 years ago | last reply 7 years ago


Awsome

Post comments about your favourite videos, Jokes, Comment questions ect well, Post anything to do with the KING OF THE INTERNET here!

Posted by PotatoCoffee 7 years ago | last reply 6 years ago


Subscriptions

Why is it possible to subscribe to yourself? I mean, unless you have no friends at all..(joking, i have no subscribers either!).

Posted by AntMan232 8 years ago | last reply 8 years ago


what is a patch?

Stop reading this and answer!!!! go go go! HEY you why didn't you answer this?! HUH?! just joking but really what is a patch?

Asked by miiwii3 9 years ago


Leaving

I'm leaving. Not a joke. I may check my account every month or so, but I will barely be doing anything here. Bye.

Posted by jamesdude 8 years ago | last reply 8 years ago


How to miniturize a wireless keyboard?

There is a certain individual who I enjoy playing practical jokes on. I came up with a pretty good one but I am not sure how to pull it off. Here is what I want to do. I want to connect a wirelless keyboard to this persons computer in addition to the wired keyboard already on it. Then when this person uses their computer I can sit in the corner and type on their computer and flash the caps scroll and num lock lights. The problem is that I can't hide a full size wirelless keyboard. So I need to either make or get a miniature wirelless keyboard. I also don't want to spend to much money on this since it is just a practical joke. Thanks.

Asked by nurdee1 6 years ago | last reply 6 years ago



Can you toast toast with toast?

Its a joke going around my school and i wana see what you guys think...

Asked by aleceatsfood 6 years ago


Harmless pranks

As you all know, April fools day is coming up. I am looking for some HARMLESS pranks to play on friends and a few teachers I joke around with. Any suggestions?

Posted by Friedto 10 years ago | last reply 10 years ago


Jerry can eat lobster, but not tofu. He can eat crabs, but not deer meat.Why?

The first correct answer will be featured on my next instructable with THECOOKIEMONSTER!

Asked by Bert99 9 years ago | last reply 9 years ago


any practical use for cat poop? Answered

I have five cats and lots of poop. jokes are expected and welcome but anybody with any real ideas? composting and fertilizer are out. thanks

Asked by dannemillerd 8 years ago | last reply 8 years ago


Make a phone ring

Anyone know if its possible to make a phone ring without a call coming in? Maybe get this to work via remote. This would be an awesome practical joke for my office!

Posted by slide23 10 years ago | last reply 9 years ago


Unwanted Pictures keep showing up in comments

Ok, so i was joking around with gmjhowe on Kiteman's orangeboard, and i posted a picture with a comment. then, i forgot to post the smiley that indicates it was a joke, so i did. The picture i posted in the other comment showed up in that comment. I posted some more comments to test, then a few apology comments, the picture showed up each time. I never posted the picture on purpose i have included the picture in question, and have asked kiteman not to delete the comments for your view.

Posted by DJ Radio 10 years ago | last reply 10 years ago


Some people may think I'm conceited....

....Oh well. You can't please everyone, and I sure won't try.Edit: for those who don't know, this topic was created as a joke.

Posted by DJ Radio 9 years ago | last reply 7 years ago


SMALLEST KNEX GUN!!!! 1 PIECE!!!

I made a one piece knex gun. Pick up ANY knex peice, and throw it!!!!!! Lol this was just meant to be a joke.

Posted by Ratchet and Clank 10 years ago | last reply 8 years ago


I BEELEV U HAS MAH STAHPLAR

Lolcat picture I found while crusing teh intarwebs. If you havn't seen the movie "Office Space", you won't get the joke, mm'kay?

Posted by thefonz101 10 years ago | last reply 10 years ago