fireplace soot

Maybe someone can figure this out.  i have a brick fireplace and burn a lot of nice oak. over time soot builds up. i have a piece of stainless at the back of the fireplace to reflect the heat. this also gets a soot buildup.  if i take a small handful of rock salt and throw it into a fire, in just a few minutes the soot on the stainless is gone and it is bright again... i have no idea why this happens...anyone?

Posted by clasof56 6 years ago


fireplace soot

Hi all! here is a question. i have a brick fireplace that i use a lot and burn almost all oak.  soot builds up and i want to get rid of it.  i have found that if i throw a little handful of rock salt into the fire that much of the soot is gone very quickly.  i have a large piece of stainless at the back of the fireplace to reflect heat. this gets black with soot. a handful of rocksalt into the flames and in a few minutes the stainless is bright and clean.  does anyone have any idea why this happens?? i thought it might make an instructable but i am ignorant to cause and effect.   thanks for letting me pick your brains.   Clas

Posted by clasof56 6 years ago


pipe bending

Hi,this whisky9,the question i have is how to bend (2inch)pipe less then 70degrees radius,I want to build a fireplace radiator and back wall of my fireplace is angled to the front at 70degrees,the only way i can figure how to do this is to cut small sections of pipe and gradually make the bend,any other ideas would be welcomed,thank,s whisky9

Posted by whisky 11 years ago


Please: How to remove the child-proofing from a candle (long nose) lighter?

Can someone please post instructions with pics on how to remove the child-proof annoyance on these lighters? Examples are the Handi Flame and Bic Multipurpose and Candle lighters. Thank you SO MUCH!

Posted by glamourd 12 months ago


Thermodynamics

Is it possible to take a low heat spread over a large area and convert it into a high heat in a small area? For example a normal fireplace can't melt cast iron, but 2 or three create enough energy. Could you concentrate that? (thats just an example, I have a much more brilliant plan) Thanks

Posted by LinuxH4x0r 10 years ago


Wifi enabled remote

Hi, I have a remote for my fireplace.  It uses a RF of 303.87 mhz.  I was trying to think of a way to build something that could recieve a message over wifi that would then trigger the 'buttons' on the remote.  I found some RF receiver/transmitters but everything is for 315 or 430 mhz.  Will those work for 303.87? Or was this remote designed to not be easily cloned?

Posted by FrankA2 3 years ago


Dollhouse wiring

Hi All. I'm a believer in the idea that anyone can do anything with a little info. But I'm in need of a little help.  I'm building a dollhouse for my niece and would like to add a little higher-tech slant (she won't be playing with this for a few years yet...)  I would like to add LED lights (which I will make but just have to wire for at the moment), a flicker fireplace and a door bell all on wall mounted pushbutton switches.  Feel free to suggest anything else that might be cool for a kid... The whole system will run on a 12V adapter but since I need to wire this NOW so I can continue to build, I need a drawing or schematic of how to do it. I've attached a pic of the house and have been pulling apart some of the small flicker Tealights to kitbash into the fireplace.  I have a number of white LEDs with which to make the lights but they don't have to go in right now.  I know I'll need some resistors - where do I place them?  Hide them in the walls?  On each switch? Anyways - any help is so appreciated.  She'd never get anything like this unless I made it for her - I just want it to be so cool that her brothers are impressed! Tbird

Posted by Golftester 7 years ago


Happy Holidays!

It's that time of year again. What are you planning to do this holiday season? Building something special? Going somewhere? Or, are you going to relax by the fireplace sipping hot chocolate while watching A Christmas Story? I'm probably going to visit relatives in Minnesota. Ok, I admit it. The real purpose of this topic is to show off Mazee's pictures. :PThis is Mazee's absolute favorite time of year, she loves the snow and the cold weather. she's always excessively joyous this time of year. Do you have any photos of yourself or others enjoying the snow? Please, do share.

Posted by Spl1nt3rC3ll 9 years ago


Indoor heating

Hi, I hope this is the correct place to ask some rocket minded guys how we can solve our fridged home problem. Our 30yr old cottage built with 2 layer perimeter brick and covered with heavy clay tiled roof becomes a freezer in winter. With restricted use of power as a result of our Govt's poor planning it gets cut at anytime and gas heaters not being safe, is there a simple way to get natural heat other than installing a fireplace at great cost that could heat all rooms?  B'lieve me guys it's ccold here even with a winter's sun outside, so solar panels or similar would need to absorb heat to distribute it all round and be very costly -  Sunny South Africa not so warm.  Muscpro

Posted by Muscpro 7 years ago


Unlucky/ Extremely Lucky Bunny

I was outside reading by the fireplace when I heard a strange noise. I looked up and noted the noise was coming from Mazee's direction. It was a loud SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK. I assumed it was her favorite squeaker toy. After about a minute, I saw a fully grown bunny sprint out of the trees next to Mazee. I laughed because Mazee loves to chase bunnies, and it looked like the bunny was taunting her. Mazee came trotting out of the trees with the squeaker toy in her mouth, squeaking away. She dropped the toy and it continued squeaking. Squeaker toys don't squeak on their own...I ran over there and what do I see? This little guy. Like all other times Mazee's found a baby, it was completely unharmed. I found the nest and put him back, I also put a doggy fence around the nest. Hopefully the mother will return.

Posted by Spl1nt3rC3ll 10 years ago


Apexstone Amoy Marble & Granite

Pexstone Amoy Marble & Granitehttp://www.apexstone.net6th floor, Guangxing Building, 466 Nanshan Road, Xiamen 361006, China厦门市湖里区南山路466号广兴大厦6楼 Tel:+86 592 3761099Fax: +86 592 3761099Email: apex1@apexstone.net 公司类型:生产主营业务:Stone Slabs,marble&granite; slabs , granite tiles, countertops, vanity—tops企业行业:建筑、装饰、房地产 >> 建筑材料Apexstone Amoy Marble & Granite,a Xiamen,China based manufacturer and exporter of worldwide marble , worldwide granite , china granite, china marble , sand stone, travertine, limestone, Our range covers slab, tile, countertop, vanity top, tub surround, soap dish, sink, fireplace mantel, stone molding, mosaic, medallion, drawer knob, for interior designers; fountain, sculpture, statuary, stone carving, urns and vases, for decoration specialists; lite panel wall cladding, column, baluster, railing, step, garden furniture, paving stone, for architects; on commercial projects or industrial constructions.

Posted by apexstone 9 years ago


A Disturbing Store Room

We've just returned from staying with friends in Geneva, where we slept in their (large and airy) basement. Next to the bedroom was the room our friends used as a store room - their nuclear bunker! When their house was built, it was a legal requirement for all homes to have a nuclear bunker.  A stocked, functioning nuclear bunker. The door is steel, filled with concrete.  It doesn't have a lock - that huge yellow bolt and spanner hold the door shut against invaders.  The door on the wall is an escape hatch, in case the house collapses on the main door, and the machinery in the corner is the air filter. The shelves double as beds, and the toilet is a bucket with a lid. I found it fascinating, and, to be honest, disturbing.  It took me two days to "get around" to going through and taking these photos. I grew up during the tense days of US/Soviet nuclear proliferation, when Threads wasn't just a disturbing drama, it was almost a government information film.  I paid attention at school - I knew what nuclear weapons really did.  To most kids, they were a cool way of destroying a bunch of stuff (even more so today).  To me, they were (and are) flatly horrifying, and the stuff of genuine nightmares. I look forward to when things like reduced to the kind of novel feature that ranks alongside "original fireplace" or sash windows.

Posted by Kiteman 8 years ago


(newsletter) Hidden Compartment, Watermelon Keg, Ferret Wheelchair...

Sign-up for this newsletter: Welcome back! NEW CONTEST: Converse Back to School in Style Contest - Make or customize anything school-related and win a gift card so you can make your own Converse shoes!SINGER Kids Crafts Contest - Create something crafty with or for a kid and win a sweet new serger or sewing machine from SINGER!Forbes Teach Me Fast Contest - Make a 30-second how-to video and win an awesome Flip MinoHD video camera! Winning videos will be featured on Forbes.com.Gorilla Glue Cardboard Contest - Build anything using cardboard, and win a huge package of Gorilla Glue supplies and gear!Ends August 23: Low & Slow BBQ Contest - Cook up something tasty and win a Weber Smokey Mountain Cooker, and autographed copies of the new Low & Slow BBQ book! Bike Dog Walker The Wild Pig Smoker Make a Magnetic Fish Tank Cleaner Hidden Cabinet Behind Fake DVDs Make or customize anything school-related! FerretMobile: DIY Ferret Wheelchair Make a Resistor Reference Card Listen to Shortwave on an AM Radio Home Made Tonic Water Concentrate Share something cool quickly! Get crafty! Make a Sekkaboku Rubbing Crayon CIR Sand Casting System Air Pumped Patio Fireplace Homebrew Cold Smoke Generator Submit a cardboard creation and win a prize pack from Gorilla Glue! Cook up something tasty today! Ends August 23 Pulled Pork on a Weber Kettle Grill Smart Power Strip for Your PC Stone Tile Lamp Make a Watermelon Keg Sign-up for this newsletter:

Posted by fungus amungus 9 years ago


Instructables Podcast 003: Spring Cleaning

Would you like some advice on a project your working on? Perhaps you'd like a few ideas from a new source? You can comment here or email us at howdoi@instructables.com This week we didn't receive any questions, but that's not going to stop us. After spending several hours in the forums, I found twenty questions and let Jake pick numbers at random to see what we'd talk about. It was a lot of fun, but we prefer questions from all of you, so please don't be shy. You can listen to or download the episode below, listen over at archive.org or check it out at our homepage: download Resources: 12 - Remote Controlled LED -Field of Florescent Tubes -XBee's don't connect to the internet, they communicate with other XBee's. -An Ethernet Shield however, can do that! 04 - Automatic Electronic Cat Tail -Necomimi Brainwave Cat Ears -Shippo A cat tail that neither of us knew about when we were doing our talk. -EEG -ECG -DIY versions of EEG and ECG 18 - Gradually Brightening Alarm Clock -There's a few really good examples of this already being done. 05 - Solar Watch Winder -I found two separate videos to demonstrate how watch winders actually work. -Two homemade watch winders -A discussion on Sparkfun's forums on how to make a watch winder. 13 - Shoe Carousel -Something we didn't even think about -Perhaps you'd like to see a patent. -You could also see how other systems are made, and see if you can repurpose them for yourself. 16 - Homemade Air Brush -A couple of homemade airbrushes. -How Atomizer Nozzle's work 08 - Fireplace Soot -Creosote 17 - Ball of flame -Poofer -Flash Cotton/Nitrocellulose -Penn and Teller talking about danger in magic (link contains strong language). -Vortex Fire Ball

Posted by StumpChunkman 5 years ago


From My Brother: Halloween Advice

It's getting close to Halloween, so very strange things are about to happen, therefore please use these helpful hints this and every year. 1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. 2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. 3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out. 4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice. 5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone. 6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. 7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well. 8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET OUT! 9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out. 10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. 11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. 12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. 13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. 14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately. 15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine. 16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten. 17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions. 18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices. 19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle. 20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard. 21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside. 22. Machine-guns can't kill EVERYTHING. 23. If you happen to come upon a giant web or nest, DO NOT look for what made it. 24. If you find that your puppet is not how you left it the night before, find the axe. If you own a fireplace, that sometimes works better. 25. Don't wear extremely loose clothing, as it will catch on something as you are running away. 26. Do not chase after the big monster trying to camcord it, you WILL die. 27. Do not pet a foaming dog. 28. BELIEVE ALL URBAN LEGENDS. 29. If you have to pair up, do not go with the snobby rich guy, he will be one of the first to die. 30. If you find a secret doorway, don't go exploring it, chances are something happened in there. 31. Not all clowns are happy. 32. If the housekeeper never smiles and/or seems to hate you, do them and yourself a favor and leave. 33. Just because you come in peace doesn't mean they do. 34. Learn to scream AND run, it will save your life. 35. Never give hitch-hikers a ride. 36. If the crazy old man says leave, take his advice; what do you think made him crazy? 37. Unless your neighbor is a grave keeper or a gardener, carrying a shovel is not a good sign. HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Posted by royalestel 10 years ago


The Lovebox, Laser Projector, Dirty Soap...

Sign-up for our newsletter here. Dec. 20, 2007 Welcome back! Don't forget to enter the Homemade Holidays Contest! Share your homemade holiday gift ideas through an Instructable, a Slideshow, or a Video, and win great prizes from CRAFT magazine! Check out these cool instructables! LoveBox - The box of love Put your electronics knowledge to work by making a special present that delivers a random message of love when it's opened.posted by matseng on Dec 18, 2007 Rubens Tube Yule Log Make your fireplace dance along with the Christmas tunes by putting a classic physics experiment to good use.posted by bofthem on Dec 17, 2007 Cool Wave Ring Learn how to make a cool wave ring from scratch, or many other kinds, with these clear instructions and helpful videos. posted by hydemetals on Dec 13, 2007 Dirty Soap For the friends that have dirty minds and good senses of humor, this is the perfect stocking stuffer that makes soap fun again.posted by fungus amungus on Dec 15, 2007 Chocolate Peppermint Bark Dark or semi-sweet chocolate, white chocolate, and crushed peppermint candies. What could be easier? posted by canida on Dec 8, 2007 Win a $15,000 VersaLaser! Low cost tank-tough workbench Build a workbench that can survive being run over by a tank, or at least anything you can throw at it.posted by jmengel on Dec 16, 2007 Mysterious Lightbulb PrankHave you ever seen the Magic Lightbulbs magicians use? Here's how to make one that will drive people crazy! posted by Kipkay on Dec 13, 2007 Laser Image Projector Project a creepy green image on any surface without having to worry about any focusing problems. posted by echo_anomie on Dec 19, 2007 A Home Power Plant - Wind Power Generator Revised Plans for Building a Wind Power Generator in the form of a Savonius Rotor Windmill. No welding or casting required, posted by bhunter736 on Dec 14, 2007 Build a Greenland Kayak This instructable will teach you how to build a 17 foot long Greenland kayak that will weigh 30-40 pounds and cost less than $300. posted by nativewater on Dec 18, 2007 Gingerbread! 'Tis the season for gingerbread! Whether you see it as a food or a building material, you can probably use a few new tricks. Check out these Instructables for some fresh ideas. Gluing a gingersnap cottage (like a nerd) Here's a safe and effective way of gluing a gingersnap cottage with molten sugar. posted by all_thumbs on Dec 2, 2006 Gingerbread Cake Bars with Lemon Glaze This the combination of gingerbread and lemon is easy to make and well worth the time! posted by aliciak on Sep 8, 2007 Candy Towers Built with a Molten-Sugar Hot-Glue Gun Build Seussian candy towers with molten sugar to make your gingerbread house unique. posted by ewilhelm on Dec 20, 2007 How to create gingerbread houses If you're new to the gingerbread house scene, here's a great way to get started. posted by simonechavoor on Dec 14, 2007 Ginger Bread Houses A few of our own gingerbread houses that we made to get into the spirit of the season. Happy Holidays! posted by ewilhelm on Dec 20, 2007   Now go make something awesome, and I'll see you next week! - Eric

Posted by fungus amungus 10 years ago


Funny Labels

These are hilarious!!! There all REAL funny product lables that people have found. Here's the link to where I got them: http://www.rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml Product Warnings: • "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet. • "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. • "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. • "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. • "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device. • "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket. • "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan. • "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. • "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. • "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. • "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. • "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn. • "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter. • "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image. • "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. • "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. • "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater. • "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. • "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock." • "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. • "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. • "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter." • "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee. • "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. • "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. • "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. • "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery. • "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion. • "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer. • "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. • "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. • "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror. • "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski. • "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. • "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. • "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia. • "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone. • "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. • "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink. • "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. • "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant. • "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison. • "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. • "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid. • "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. • "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels. • "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck. • "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron. • "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. • "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. • "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume. • "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door. • "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. • "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets. • "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter. • "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy. • "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. • "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. • "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan. • "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw. • "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer. • "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. • "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing. • "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal. • "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it." • "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds. • "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills. • "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle. • "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer. • "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. • "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame. • "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets. • "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack. • "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV. • "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack. • "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone. • "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch. • "Do not wear for sumo wrestling." -- From a set of washing instructions. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Assurances: • "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. ________________________________________ Small Print From Commercials: • "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store. • "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean. • "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert. • "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh. ________________________________________ Signs and Notices: • "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere. • "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950. • "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church. • "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire. • "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine. • "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic. • "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos. • "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box. • "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement. • "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer. • "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge. ________________________________________ Safety Procedures: • "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building. • "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp. ________________________________________ Ingredients: • "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns. • "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater. • "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case. Materials: Covering: 100% Unknown. Stuffing: 100% Unknown." -- On a pillow. • "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Instructions: • "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch. • "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills. • "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts. • "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11. • "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap. • "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper. • "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner. • "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits. • "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual. • "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill. • "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle. • "For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid." -- On a Domino's sandwich box. ________________________________________ Requirements: • "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.

Posted by LoneWolf 7 years ago