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Can I gripe for just a moment? Answered

Recently I spent about a week drafting a pattern and sewing prototypes for what would be my Where the Wild Things are hat. I spent a day putting a PDF pattern together. I spent a good chunk of time simplifying the process to make it easy for everyone to sew one.

I took a lot of pictures because I love the hat and I'm really proud of it.

And what happens?

A ton of nonsense comments (I counted at 10+) about what I look like, rather than the actual project. Not to mention a few PMs I read and then never responded to.

I'm going to go flag my heart out now. I thought about just leaving it be at first, but the longer they sit there the more annoyed I get.

And this ends my "I hate being a girl on the internets" gripe.

Discussions

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=SMART=

9 years ago

Just a load of stupid 13 year olds, Im sure the staff will delete the comments. I like the hat, i did a play of where the wild things are when i first went to nursery :)

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jessyratfink=SMART=

Reply 9 years ago

That's awesome! The only fun play we ever did was The Brementown Musicians - and I only liked it because I was the cat. ;)

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kelseymhjessyratfink

Reply 9 years ago

I sense a theme, or at least some sort of weird Freudian influence from your childhood ;->

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jessyratfinkkelseymh

Reply 9 years ago

Hmm, you think? :P My first word was cat, actually.

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kelseymhjessyratfink

Reply 9 years ago

My daughter's first word was "duck" (okay, "duh", but with her pointing, it was clear from context :-).

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skunkbaitjessyratfink

Reply 9 years ago

Maybe if you snorted more often, and in public, you'd get less of the "OMG UR so hot, Will U b My Girlfriend?" Comments. Then people would just focus on your projects....... and your snorting.

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skunkbaitkillerjackalope

Reply 8 years ago

Oink, oink, snnrrrttt, grrrrrrnk, oink.  

See, it works perfectly.

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killerjackalope

8 years ago

Kind of a symptom of the internet... Though it's annoying and should be stopped within this community it'll happen once in a while. I do think it's bad considering how cool the project is too... Granted it's not a one way street, even I've been shocked by some PMs I've gotten...

However being attractive on the internet's a bit of a nuisance, there are a lot of thirteen year old boys...

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Goodhartkillerjackalope

Reply 8 years ago

  However being attractive on the internet's a bit of a nuisance  

I have never had that problem.   Especially with the picture I have of me on Facebook, where I look like I have the big body and this tiny head (perspective of the picture taker, she was sitting and I was looking down to her from a distance). .
 
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killerjackalopeGoodhart

Reply 8 years ago

it's only a matter of time, there's a lot of people, with different attractions... You could be starring in a porno by the end of the week if it took your fancy...

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jessyratfinkkillerjackalope

Reply 8 years ago

Hahaha! I do believe he would be considered a bear. Lots of people are into that!

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jessyratfinkkillerjackalope

Reply 8 years ago

I love this video. I'm not even kidding. I think I've watched it like ten times. It is one of the most fabulous things in the history of the internet. Thank you for reminding me of it. :D

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Goodhartjessyratfink

Reply 8 years ago

ACK! there's 4 minutes of my life I will never get back....  ;-)
 
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Goodhartjessyratfink

Reply 8 years ago

Shiver.....tis not my cup of tea in any way shape or form :-) 
 
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Goodhartkillerjackalope

Reply 8 years ago

Um, it doesn't and I can hardly imagine that really;  what would they call it?   Flubber meets rubber? ;-) 
 
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Goodhartkillerjackalope

Reply 8 years ago

I can hear the advertisement now:   Cleans your pots and pans, and no scratch marks !!!!
 
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mikeasaurus

9 years ago

Regarding this thread subject (comments about your appearance rather than the content of what you've produced on your project), I agree with what you've stated so far. There's no place for it here in this community.

However, after reading your instructable I did notice a large amount of pictures of you, as well as your project. It's important to consider that many people have a short attention span and will spend more time skimming a project and learning what they can through pictures rather than reading. What impression have you made on your readers?
I mention this as you are posting your project in a public forum, the internet. This means that you are exposing your identity to like-minded DIY people as well as the lowest common denominator of what the internet has to offer.

I've seen some other members post back to these inn inappropriate comments on your project, and I think the community support is awesome. I also think that rebuttal comments like those aren't what i want to see in my community either. I know this isn't going to be the popular view but I think the power of this situation lies in the hands of the poster, there's a balance to be struck and I think it comes from responsible posting.
Will this stop people from making these comments? No, it will not. But it does take away some of the platform from where it comes.

Just my 2 cents

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jessyratfinkmikeasaurus

Reply 9 years ago

I definitely understand this viewpoint and it's one that people have presented before, back in the days of my IGN modding.

The issue I have with it is that I shouldn't be afraid to post pictures of myself - it's silly that I would have to limit pictures of myself, especially in a project that involves my head quite prominently. I'm just another person with ovaries, it really shouldn't cause such a stir!

(To be fair though, the hat hair picture was not necessary. But was it funny? Yes. :P Only funny to me? Possibly.)

Since the initial clean up yesterday things have been fine. Many of the comments have been really nice.

I think more than anything I'm just going to try to be quicker about flagging the "UR HOT" comments and not let them build, that was irresponsible on my part. It seems like when there's a breding ground for them they go crazy. But I think if people see that no one else is acting like that, things will be okay. :)

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Lithium Rainjessyratfink

Reply 9 years ago

It's too bad, really - I have several fairly neat ibles that will never see the light of day because I daren't show my face. :-(

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GoodhartLithium Rain

Reply 8 years ago

When will the witness protection program allow you to post them?  :-) j/k
 
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BigevLithium Rain

Reply 8 years ago

Well, there is the MS paint censorship option to circumvent any face-related issues.

Being face-related, I'm guessing hats as well.

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Lithium Rainmikeasaurus

Reply 9 years ago

Personally, I find this analogous to blaming a victim of date-rape for wearing revealing clothing, only worse because she didn't even do anything that could be misconstrued!

A woman has every right to post fully clothed pictures of herself - with the focus on the fact that she is wearing a hat, no less - and have a reasonable expectation that she will not be harassed. I think the only impression she gave her readers is that she had a project to show. There was nothing even remotely non-responsible about her post or the pictures therein. To claim otherwise is, in my view, ridiculous.

I also don't get the position that we should not respond to the harassers. Might be best not to, depending on the circumstance (and they'd probably get deleted eventually anyway along with the offending ones to keep a clean thread) - but for goodness sakes, why leave them sit in the meantime? It gives the impression that it's OK by the rest of us if nobody speaks up. And as Jessy has noted, they feed off of one another. :-(

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mikeasaurusLithium Rain

Reply 9 years ago

you have read into my criticism far more than I intended and you have also missed the message.

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Lithium Rainmikeasaurus

Reply 9 years ago

I'm sorry if I read too much into it, that wasn't my intention. (And I think I did get your message, but simply disagreed. :) )

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KitemanLithium Rain

Reply 9 years ago

(This is not just to Lira, but observations along the same theme:)

Let's get into context here, since that is what the posters had failed to do.

Firstly, the comments being made were not nasty or rude, just a bit invasive of personal space. They were comments made by teenage boys made brave by anonymity (in real life, if Jessy had so much as smiled at any of those posters, they would have had to run away from some, er, quiet time).

Secondly, being teens, they still haven't learned that "the internet" is not a single place, with a single set of standards, but a vast multiplicity of places, each with separate standards. Just as there are phrases and topics appropriate for use face-to-face with a mate in the bar, or to be yelled from the terraces of a sport stadium, but not to your teacher or over the dinner table.

If the wrong language gets used in my lessons (and we're probably talking about the same age group here), I don't yell across the class at the perpetrator, I have a quiet word in his or her ear, and it doesn't happen again.

Similarly, in this case, rather than a public stomping, flagging and a PM would have been much better. It's what I was in the middle of doing before the posts all got removed - if they had seen the error of their ways, and removed the posts themselves, the impact would have been much longer-lasting than deletion and an email from on high).

Please note - I am not saying that the comments were appropriate, but they did not seem to be meant in a nasty way. They did not do it to make Jessy feel uncomfortable, although that is what happened. I am also not saying that this is always the case - there are genuinely nasty people out there, and we've had them here, and they do deserve a public shredding.

I am saying that the matter could have been dealt with slightly less aggression on the part of some members, in a way that would have prevented further incidents.

  • I have just remembered an appropriate anecdote: one of my team has changed from being learning support staff to teaching staff. He has changed from wearing jeans and tee-shirt to shirt and tie. On the first day of term, one of my 13 year old girls said to him, "Oh, M------, looking hot!" My colleague was embarrassed, but not insulted, and the matter was resolved in a few seconds with comments from me about appropriate ways to talk to staff. She's a good kid, didn't mean harm, everything's fine. Same here.

(If anybody can remember the usernames of the posters involved, please PM me, and I will have a word with them.)
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kelseymh

9 years ago

I just read your last sentence (no, not the picture :-). Somebody needs to do a rendition of that to the music from Flower Drum Song ("I Enjoy Being a Girl").

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Lithium Rain

9 years ago

FYI that link is invalid. Group deleted.

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Kiteman

9 years ago

Have you seen the WTWTA videos here?

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jessyratfinkKiteman

Reply 9 years ago

I'd seen the first one, but not the second! :D

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Kiteman

9 years ago

Gripe away.
Only old fogies are allowed to comment about your looks, and then only from a safe (intercontinental) distance, and after the proper training.

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Goodhartjessyratfink

Reply 9 years ago

I can't make such comments, since my wife has an account in here even though she rarely signs in

Still, I agree that it is inappropriate not to, at very least, make some comment about the project, if they are going to make comment about you.

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KitemanGoodhart

Reply 9 years ago

(Hopefully Jessy realises that my comments are the well-meaning jests of a slightly-surreal Brit)

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GoodhartKiteman

Reply 9 years ago

I do believe she is not one to jump to conclusions so quickly with those whom she is familiar with :-)

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jessyratfink

9 years ago

Since Mister Angry Pants has started throwing a fit about being told he's out of line, Im afraid the whole thing has turned really nasty. I guess I'm going to be needing a lot more deletion. Time for PMing, I think.