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Girfriend says she wants to keep her options open? Answered

We have been dating over one month and I see here twice a week. . Tuesday after she cooked me dinner and while she was rubbing my back and watching tv, she said there is something I want to get out in the open. She said she wants to keep her options open. I said did I do something to offend you? She said no. She said she has a lot of fun with me and the sex is fantastic. She said I didn't freak her out in the bedroom or anything. Some nights we do it twice and then in the morning. Last week she gave me a pair of her panties she had just wore. Before she droped the bomb, we were making out and getting worked up , then she said she just started her period. When we first dated she was towards the end of her period and we had sex. Then she said she is cramping. It probably has been about a month since her last one. We also talked about what was going on this weekend. She said she has plans friday with a girlfriend and they are going to check out some art. I asked for sat and she said yes. I asked her if there is sombody else and she said no. She went to her counselor the night she threw out the options statemant. Could the counselor have influenced her? I took her some concerts tickets that I got for free. When I left she said I know I really pulled the blanket out from under you so you might want to take the tickets. This announcement was such a shock to me. She told me she is co-dependent and last weekend she was able to spend fri home alone. She got divorced last year after ten years and says she talks to him twice a week. He was an alchoholic. Then she dated a guy for about a year then me. Between that guy and me was two weeks. She acutually pursued me. She found out my email from one of our friends. I'm thinking if she came after me, she was single. She keeps telling me it's nothing I did. She also mentioned that I'm Liberal or conservative or something like that. We never talk about politics. Is she wanting somebody who is more political? She called me a few days ago to see if we were still on for sat. She said she is calling because she thought I was mad at her. I said I wasn't. I feel like its going to a little awkward tonight. I'm afraid to have a talk with her when we get together tonight. What should I do? I don't want to be her 2nd option.



She's just not that into you.


8 years ago

She was lying, its because you suck in bed.

Before you can get the answer to what you want, you have to know what you want in the first place. What is your goal?

First consider, do you want her to be:
  • With you? (even if this is not the happiest or best she could be),
  • Happy? (even if this is not the best thing for her), or
  • Living a good life? (even if this is not the most fun one)

You need to consider your options too:
  • Propose marriage
  • Date each other until one of you gets tired of it
  • Just be friends
  • Be passing acquaintances
  • Be bitter enemies


I had this same thing happen to me *the posters question*

We were doing awesome, for...half a year. She was a roommate of my best friend's girlfriend, across town (edmonton at the time = long drive). I thought the world of her, and then one day it wasnt so much 'dumping' as we weren't dating, but it was "I want you not to want me". That sucked. We're still friends - but never emotionally close since.


9 years ago

Why did we hit a brick wall when things were going great with us?

YOu have been seeing each other for about a month- what do you want out of this relationship? you see each other 2x/week, this adds up to about, um , oh, 8-10 times so far, right? If she is seeing a THERAPIST (hint, hint), there may be some other issues that she needs to address. Relax. From the sound and tone of your posting, you and she had sex in the first week of dating. This may be just her way of saying that it isn't a relationship, but she want's sex without attachments. Or, she just didn't get her world rocked like she thought. It happens. Deal with it. Usually the one who thinks that the relationship is going gangbusters is totally clueless as to the stability and solidity of the relationship. Step back and evaluate; ask someone for an objective opinion. What ever happens, it ain't the end of the world.

Things were going great for YOU. Things for her are extremely messed up. She has deeply rooted relationship dysfunctions. You cannot fix these dysfunctions, you can only choose to suffer with them or move on to healthier relationships that you will understand.

She has some powerful issues about relationship- the reasons can be complicated but usually they are quite simple reasons. Any sort of relationship with her will be an emotional rollercoaster for you- on again, off again, limbo again, etc ad nauseum. She's not the only woman with relationship issues that is great in the sack- it's a common characteristic. You need to decide for yourself if you want to stick with her and take a rough emotional ride or move on to some one who isn't so volatile when it comes to attachment and affection. There is not much hope that she will change- her scars are deep and probably permanent. Even with long-term, concentrated therapy. Sorry twocar- I know the sex has been over the top. But, nothing comes without a cost