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How come its so hard to be confident if your super shy? Answered

HI. Im a 13 year old Maori Girl from New Zealand and im the most shyiest girl in my whole school. I wish i was confident enough to ask this guy out (his name is Javiar) but im just not. Can someone help me how to be a confident person? Thanks for you time, - Cherish


Everyone else has had great advice, so I'll add a little practical stuff.
I was totally afraid of making mistakes when hanging out with guys, or wanting to ask one out. I would practice in the mirror in my bedroom for hours... making eye contact with myself, rehearsing how I would ask, stuff like that. That way I knew I could say the words without stumbling and look in his face without blushing.
And rejection isn't always forever. My first boyfriend had told me "no", only to change his mind 4 months later. It took alot of guts for me to ask him out, and more guts to just hang out as friends for those 4 months until he asked me out.

I miss living in nz T.T

Hi Cherish. Being shy can be tough. I was very shy at your age. Maybe if you just did stuff in the same group of people, it might help to make the shyness less, help you to learn more about him, and help him to learn more about you. You might discover that he likes you too...or you may discover that you don't like him so much after all. either way, doing things in a group can help to make it easier to learn about another person, to get closer to him or her. And sometimes you just have to kick yourself and fight the impulse to blush, or turn your eyes away, or whatever, and just blunder through, no matter if you make a mistake or not. Making mistakes is part of life, and if any of your shyness is like where mine came from, I'd guess it comes from wanting to do everything just right, to make no mistakes...mistakes teach us, and whether we want them to happen or not, they will happen, sure as rain or day and night.. So maybe that's what I can offer....the idea that making mistakes in relationships isn't the worst thing in the world, especially at 13. Just please don't do anything that you'll regret...At 13, I think you know what I mean...don't do drugs just to be part of the crowd, don't let a boy or anyone make you choose between your values and being their "friend" whether that's a girlfriend or just a pal. best wishes

Hey thanks for your comment seandogue. I've met girls who are just 1 year older than me and gettin into stupid stuff for guys cause they wanna hook up(for instance, sleeping with them or drinking sh*t loads of alcohol cause a guy tells them too).

The shyness (i think that "shyness" aint even a word....if it isnt it should be....so should "aint") thing isnt that much of a problem thanks to your comment and i've learned that fear is what i really had.
Fear of mistaking (not the word i was looking for but i didnt have a thesouras so its the best i could do), rejection etc. so yeah

thanks for your help =D
- Cherish

Aye, 'shyness' is a word and so is 'aint' surprisingly

ain't no big thang girl :) I hope my comments helped you think it out a bit and glad you stopped back by. best wishes (thang outta be a word too!)

Confidence is hard to teach, and shyness is very hard to overcome. I consider myself an outgoing, extroverted person, but I can be shy sometimes too. When I'm not feeling my best or when I'm too excited, happy, sad, or whatever I climb right into a quiet little shell. The more you stress about something or someone, the more likely you are to hide away too. It's natural. The best advice to gain confidence with him is to spend some time with him in a group setting. While that may not always be possible, I think you already know that the more time you spend together, the more comfortable with him you'll get, and the easier it will be to ask him out. Start by finding out if you have a mutual friend or if you have a common interest in sports or clubs. If you want to gain confidence with just about anyone, spend time working in a book store or some other retail/service setting that requires conversing with customers on a regular basis. I realize that bit of advice might be early for you, but it does do wonders so keep it in mind. Speaking of early... You have plenty of time to get your love life together. Don't worry about it. It will come naturally with time.