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Something Ain't Working - A Bug Report Answered

Something ain't working.

That's right, I said something ain't working. And I demand that you fix it right now. Just to make sure that you get how irritated I am, I'll say it again in all caps: FIX IT RIGHT NOW!!!!! See how I put a bunch of exclamation points, too? That shows that I mean business. Yessir, I am not a person to be trifled with. I have a Shift key, and I'm not afraid to use it. Tremble before my wrath!

So go fix it! And no, I'm not going to tell you what it is. I am the customer. It's not my job to provide useful information, and besides, my time is very precious to me. Sure, it would take maybe five minutes for me to tell you what happened, what section of the site it happened in, which link I clicked, what browser and OS I'm using, whether it happened once or a thousand times, when I first noticed it, or whether it's already been reported by someone else, but those five minutes are MY TIME!! I am the customer, and I absolutely refuse to participate in any way, except to tell you that something ain't working and I'm REALLY REALLY ANGRY about it. 

Instead, I expect the staff to go check every link and every button on every page on the whole site, using every single combination of browsers, operating systems, plug-ins, security settings, hardware and connectivity options that exists. And you'd darn well better hope that when you've done all of that and discovered every possible bug, you fix mine first. Or I'll type more stuff in ALL CAPS!

And don't even think about suggesting that there might be something I could do on my end to fix it. I will not put forth any effort whatsoever! I AM THE CUSTOMER! So what if I'm not clicking the right button? It's YOUR JOB to come to my house and click the right button for me, because THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT! That means you have to drop everything and do whatever I say, no matter how irrational or counter-productive it is. It also means that none of your other customers' bugs mean anything at all, just mine. Because I am THE customer.

So hop to it! Something still ain't working. You better fix it right now, or I'm gonna file a complaint with the cops, my Congressman, FEMA, my mom and Jesus. I'll probably do that in all caps, too. Well, maybe not the one to Jesus.

Discussions

Subscribed for making me laugh for 5 minutes straight.

Thanks. Sometimes satire is the only thing that keeps me from flinging my computer across the room. Well, that and the fact that destroying my own computer would be stupid.

I'm still waiting for Matt to respond to this officially...

Many great artists have failed to receive recognition in their own time. I've resigned myself to it..... ;-)

Nope, that was a different rant. This one did the same where it stalled before the preview generated, but I have learned from the past, so I'd copied all the text before submitting. The second try flew right through.

Love the diagram, BTW. Especially the three wise guys.

Gee, you post 1.5 rants and suddenly you're the ranting guy.... <sniff>
Besides, if I really wanted to make my username match my posting habits I'd have to change it to something like SnarkFinSoup.

I was gonna change my username to "Tha Critic III" but I realized that the album I would make a reference to would die in a year or 2 and nobody would see the humor in it.

I can't even find reference to that album in a google search...may already be dead. That is funny.

Actually it was a reference to "Tha Carter III" which came out in 2008.

Ahem.  You have miscategorized this critical report.  Staff only reads and responds to bug reports if they see them in the Help:Bugs forum.  Please correct this oversight at my earliest convenience.

Do you fancy starting a trade-uniuon?

L

Yes, I do.
You owe me time-and-a-half for answering this question. ;-)

Ah, we'd need sub's then... Maybe not, no general strike...

L

I'm already on limited strike. I categorically refuse to respond to any more "It's different so now it sucks" posts. That pig will never sing.

He he. Someone feature this :D Luckily I read the related tags before reading this.

I almost left the "satire" tag off, but thought better of it....

Heh. I'd have probably been outraged until I got a few paragraphs in and realised what you were doing.

.  Do I detect a little bit of frustration? Welcome to the Intertubes!

Nah. When I was in the bug-fixing biz, these kinds of reports would drive me up the wall. Now I just enjoy underscoring the little absurdities of life. Luckily, there's a ton of material to draw from.

.  Back in the late-80s/early-90s I was a partner at a regional ISP/BBS and we had the most wonderful gal as our Tech Support Department. She had the patience of Job and nothing was ever the customer's fault - "Yes, sir, it was pretty stupid of the programmers to label that button Accept instead of OK."