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Wanna 3 month pro membership? CLOSED Answered

3 month membership, it's up for grabs. 

Give me a reason, come on! 

It needn't be honest, it needn't be logical, it needn't be fair but it better be funny... 

Also if anyone can nominate someone else deserving of one I might give another away.

*insert random photo from January challenge*

EDIT CLOSED

Discussions

because i am chuck norris's twin

Because you are awesome !?!

(This isn't for me, it's for another member)

Well.

Yesterday, I ran out of oatmeal cookies. You may not be aware of this, but oatmeal cookies are the seventh food group (yes, it's true). I went into cookie withdrawal almost immediately - cold sweats, the shakes, passing out. I devoured an entire jaw of raw oatmeal, but just couldn't get the same high off it. I found myself on the streets, offering excruciatingly correct grammar lessons to sympathetic passers-by in exchange for anything that remotely seemed like a cookie - muffin, pastry, donut. Sometimes, nobody would share their sugar - all I could get was trail mix and slightly soggy cheerios (that one was from a toddler, it broke my heart how sweet she was when she came up to me and handed me the little handful...) At my lowest, I'm ashamed to say, I even ate banana chips. I was a mess. I'm just lucky some incredibly kind and selfless people found me, took me home, cleaned me up, and let me crash at their place until I got back on my feet. It has taken me the better part of a year, but I'm finally on the road to recovery.

So in conclusion I've been through a severely trying experience that very nearly cost me my life, sanity, and pants, and having a 3 month pro membership would be a very real comfort in this cold, dark world.

I need a pro membership because otherwise I always accidentally click the ads, and I'm afraid if I do it too many times this site might get accused of click fraud.

(lol not really but I tried)

I LIKE MTNDEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OO YA

={) MAN WITH A MUSTACHE!!!!!!!!!!!

DID YOU SEE ALL CAPS!!!!

LIVING LIFE LOUD!!!!!!!!

Well, I come from and extremely poor family.If I am lucky once a day I will get a meal of 3 saltines and a small glass of prune juice. That is if I can escape the dirty strangling hands of my four siblings as they take advantage of me and my food. Did I also mention that when I lost a hand a while ago in a terrible accident involving a drunk man and chainsaw? I have to stop typing now because I am being pushed of the ratty chair for the library computer. I need the pro membership! I really do!

...and, and it will help you figure out a cheap, home made method to trap the rats right? :-)

Of course! then I can let them dry out and I will have my own rat jerky

Don't forget the Tabasco sauce ! ;-)

Yes! I did find a half-empty bottle of that at the library.

'Cause I'm incredibly awesome, that's why.

You may be incredibly awesome, but I am awesomer, haha. killerjackalope is the awesomest.

That is an incredible work of fiction you've written there, dear sir. Well, the bit where you claim to be awesomer, the rest is the total truth.