A Low Cost Way to Test the Elasticity of Space Time.

It has been posited that all space time is elastic and curved in response to mass. Experiments such as this and the need to use relativity for time correction in GPS signals all seem to conclude that the general and special relativity time implications have been validated. For general background on spacetime click here.

Step 1: The Experimental Protocols

On 3 September 2015 I performed an experiment in Alaminos City, Philippines, that appears to conclusively prove that time can be stretched from an observers viewpoint without use of large order masses, energies, or velocities.

First I bought four test subjects some McLunch. Two chose hamburgers, while the other two shared a “2 piece McChicken with rice ball special.” I then closely observed the time elongating effect of watching 2 small children eat their chicken and rice ball meal one tiny spoonful at a time.

While time observed passed in apparent lockstep congruence with my chronometer whilst the control subjects (the adults) ate their burgers & fries, there was a noted amount of time elongation observed while the two younger subjects (aged almost 3 and 4 years old respectively) dawdled over their chicken & rice meal. It appeared that the passage of time was slowing at a nearly asymptotic rate towards infinite time for zero consumption until an adult interceded by shoveling the food into the kids mouths while chanting “say ohm for mommy. Yummmy yummy chicken.”

Step 2: Conclusion.

Thus, as can be readily confirmed, toddlers eating McDonald’s meals can effect a time dilation effect, independent of mass energy considerations, on independent observers time perceptions.

CERN did not respond to emails when asked to test these results. Dr. Hawking was too busy to comment as he was working on this.

The LHC is still considering this and doesn't have any time (so to speak) to consider such mundane concerns.