Ok let me just start off by saying: Yes I know that there are multiple other Portal Cake tutorials out there but mine doesn't go bad or any of that. In fact, when you're dead it might still be alive!
Also I should warn you that this is an extremely time consuming process and you should probably get it done while it's still kind-of hot outside. Mine took me about 2 weeks to finish but you can probably cut it down to about 2-3 days. Probably more like 5 though. And one more thing, when you're done, the cake won't be edible.
Step 1: Materials
Ok this is probably one of the hardest/most time consuming food Instructables ever and you need a lot of stuff.
For The Cake*: 2 chocolate cake mixes. (You will have extra so you might also make Portal Cupcakes. Or you can eat the batter cause thats what I did.)
Whatever It Says You Need For The Mix
1 or 2 Nine Inch Round Cake Pans (You're making 2 cakes)
Old t-shirt or long piece of cloth (Recommended)
For The Outside Stuff: 1-2 Tubes of Loctite White Adhesive Caulk (better safe than sorry! go for 2 tubes of the stuff)
1 Big Birthday Candle (You can look at the actual picture and decide)
1 Box Chocolate Rice Crispies (I recommend the cheapest brand)
Plastic Knife (Optional)
Fake cherries (I found some in the Home section of Target)
1 Bottle of Espresso Brown Satin Finish Spray Paint (Lowes or Home Depot I think)
1 Bottle of Spray Lacquer
A Medium Size Phillips Head Screw Driver
A bunch of spare time.
1 Bottle of White Spray Primer
1 Bottle of Orange Spray paint
Scalloped Cake Base Things (Descriptive right? I got mine and Joanns and you can decide on the size. You should probably go for the medium/smaller size.)
* Alternatively you can use the polymer cake method. I didn't because I didn't see it until the day before I published this. Using the polymer cake method bypasses steps 2 and 3.