Instructables
Picture of How to lie to authority figures
Lying to authority figures is something I have gotten good at over the years. These steps are what I do to keep out of trouble. This is going to take some practice before you get it right for yourself. This isn't something you can learn overnight, but if you get good at it, it will save your neck in the end.
 
Remove these adsRemove these ads by Signing Up

Step 1: Stay Calm

Picture of Stay Calm
Remember, you're innocent even if you're not. You have nothing to worry about.

It helps to convince yourself that you are telling the truth to begin with. You can not be lying if you don't think you're lying. You might be delusional, but that doesn't matter since you have convinced yourself you are telling the truth.

Step 2: Speak in generalities

This sometimes works if the person is stupid enough. If your person is good at interrogation this is only going to make them angry. Trust me.

It's good to offer as few details as possible. Only give details if asked for them. Details can be used to unravel lies.

Step 3: Be prepared

Picture of Be prepared
Think of it like a test or a job interview. Think before hand of the questions that this person might ask and rehearse the answers to yourself. Remember to keep the answers short and to the point. Don't provide needless details or bad alibis.
1-40 of 107Next »
Skai4 years ago
This girl scout gots it down. I think that this step would be the best utilized if you use flash cards (not the techie ones, the ones you made back in school ,duke) . Flash cards, when practiced regularly, allows you to memorize even the most skillfully intricate and brilliant lies. You are then able to say them quickly on the flip of a dime to anyone, so that the pace of the lie you are saying is natural, as it has no interruptions (that obviously are for thinking of what to come up with!). Also, it then becomes just a matter of how you act out your lie, what your demeanor is. You can focus on that after making some cards. Here's a nice instructable for making easy to read flash cards : http://www.instructables.com/id/How-To-Make-Flash-Cards-The-Fast-Easy-and-Right/
ilpug Skai3 years ago
This is a good idea. One thing to note, however, is that over extensive questioning a persons's story should change in minor but detectable ways if they are telling the truth. This is because someone who is actually telling the truth is more relaxed, and less focused, so they screw up a little bit. The surest way to be caught as a liar is to keep your story the exact same at every retelling. All you need to do is to change the wording of your story slightly at each retelling, or maybe change some obvious but unimportant details.
diy_bloke ilpug11 months ago
Nothing wrong with changing the wording of yr story from time to time, but even if you tell one consistent story in exactly the same words the police may suspect and even accuse you of lying (they will do that anyway) but there is no proof.

As lawyers say: there is no guilt or innocence, it is only what the court makes of it.
I challenge you to show me one person who is truthful 100% of the time. Anyone who claims they don't lie is the biggest liar of them all. Like it or not, we all lie. Also, a partial truth is a lie. You are still making a false statement. You wouldn't tell your wife you only partially lied about cheating on her. A false or misleading statement is a false or misleading statement, no matter how much truth you inject into it.
diy_bloke randofo11 months ago
Largely agree with you. What guy never told his wife: "that dress looks great" while in fact it did not.

regarding partial truths, not sure if that is the same as a 'false statement' and therefore I dont think a partial truth is a lie. Wether it is morally just is another thing.

Depending on the type of crime, suspects in my country sometimes have to take a psy test. One of the questions then is: "Have you ever told a lie?". It is best to refuse to answer that because it is a hanging question: Answer with 'No' and you'll be branded a liar because 'everybody lies at one time or another', answer with 'Yes' and you have just admitted to the police you are a liair. That will surely come up in court: "You say you never met the victim, yet by your own confession you are a liair"
Vissy randofo11 months ago
"This sentence is a lie"
Pwned.
what if its like, your talking to your friend and he asks if you smoke sheesha and you say i cant say whether i do or don't.
true...
How can something be a partial truth?
Ok the one day my mom asked me if i had seen a certian object of my sister i said nope wich was true but tecnicly i was to looking out for it so i sort of lied but still to the truth

or this from grandma

her sister called(sister loved to talk for a long time) grandma told mom to put a potato in the oven so after 10 mins. grandma told her sister that she had something in the oven and needed to go.
Vissy Mirime11 months ago
She could have put it in the microwave, would have talked for only 5 minutes or so.
Mirime Vissy11 months ago
This was back in the late 60's and they didn't have a micowave, so mom had to use the oven. And we still use that oven to this day. Gotta love the 50's GE ovens, 60 years later and all that needed to be fixed were the heating coils. ;D
Otherwise known as a white lie.

The White Lie:
Parent: Where did you go?
You: To the park.
Parent: What did you do?
You: Skipped rocks with my fellows, etc...

The Truth:
You went to the park to smoke weed with your bros and you guys thought it would be hilarious to throw rocks at ducks.

That was a hypothetical situation conceived as I wrote it. Oh, it seems I'm replying to a post from 3 years ago. How's about that.
This article is very specific, i think we all know its not a good idea to make a habit of lying in our daily lives. I rest my case on the first picture of this article which is really the type of scenario w1 is referring to. Would you really tell a nazi officer that you hid a radio from their inspectors? Of course not, you'd get your peepee slapped in a seriously bad way.
dla888 Vaxinius4 years ago
A nazi would shoot you!
Vissy dla88811 months ago
No, they wouldnt. German soldiers were court-martialed and shot (usually the next day) for breaking laws in occupied countries. Hitler didnt want people to be made martyrs of and have everyone signing up for resistance teams. Look it up, stop getting your history from stupid war movies
Vissy Vaxinius11 months ago
Those are Luftwaffe soldiers. Nobody is being asked about a radio, which were not illegal
There are plenty of authority figures you are going to need to lie to in order to walk out of school with good grades and intact mental health.

At least if you are not very lucky with your teachers.
what if your lying to save somones life.
*cough*
w1n5t0n's instructables have nothing to do with Cory Doctrow's new book, Little Brother.
ZOMG no way ha ha he links to his Instructables account on the first page of the book.
Really? I'll have to spend some time reading it. Is it any good?
It's alright, although targeted at a younger demographic than yourself.
Its very good. He came to my school and I got a signed copy. :)
Exactly. No relation at all, unless we start seeing Instructables from m1k3y. *eyeshift*
You're either Colonel Sanders or a liar yourself. Which is it?
That guy made me so hungry for chicken.
Of course you would say that. When someone is good at lying, you don't know it. Therefore, it's impossible to tell whether or not what made things better was a lie.
actually lying does sometimes make things better, but most of the time your right it and it does make it worse.
I do agree with you. But just to clear things up, the user who wrote this instructable isn't actually a real person; he's based on a character in a particular book.

Just to clear things up =]
what? lying has always helped me, even in small things that don't seem worth lying about.
Plo Koon2 years ago
my ears always turn red. i guess i'll just have to wear a stocking cap while i lie through my teeth.....
ilpug3 years ago
for all the people who say that lying is bad, i present you with the time honored maxim: ITS ONLY BAD IF YOU GET CAUGHT. i assume this will be taken as trollbait, but i had to say it.
I dont know, my friends very athiestic, and I always ask him, "Why bother then?" Evolution is proven, we know that. But I like to believe there is SOMETHING (aka God) out there.
 because to some people being as close to the truth as we believe it is more important that being comfortable
What about the Theory of God?
not every aspect of evolution is proven. it remains to be called the Theory of Evolution. you can't test it on all angles. aspects of it are certainly true which no religious person (that I know) would argue on. antibodies in our bodies evolve, but is that a proof we came from monkey's?
Skai4 years ago
Hahahaha maybe like that old mountain dew or some song like that, i got you. That's pretty cool that the effect of looking at someone's left ear-kinda-in-that-area will make em think that you are looking them right in the eye. Where'd you get that from? I'd like to try it out. Maybe a good suggestion to people who really have something important to keep a secret from the authorities should practice on friends or comrades-in-arms and ask them if it looks like you are looking them in the eye. I guess it would be a whole lot less nerve-racking to not actually look into someone's eyes while lying. They can be pretty scary eyes. Also, maybe you can tell your friends that hey for today I'm going to be lying to you a lot, but you're not going to know (like that game two truths and a lie) , and I'm going to see if you can catch me. Ask them if they notice any physical tics. Maybe catch it on video. Do it in the mirror, like politicians do. WHATEVER! I'm thinking if it's as important as some of the lies they got to maintain, then...
Mirime Skai3 years ago
Learned the left ear trick in public presentaions never belived in what i was saying but got about 40-60 bucks for it
(removed by author or community request)
1-40 of 107Next »