The Galvani-Edison Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator

Intro: The Galvani-Edison Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator

The Instructablist would like to draw attention to the recent developments by Messrs. Galvani and Edison and the use of their research in developing a practical Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator.

Readers are warned that there are considerable risks involved in using Galvanic energy in this way and care should be taken at all times to alleviate the risk of death or even worse, as the long term dangers of luminiferous aether disturbances are currently not fully understood by luminous aetherium scientists.

YOU PROCEED AT YOUR OWN ACCEPTANCE OF THESE RISKS.

STEP 1: Collect the Parts

The Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator was, to a certain degree a build up of randomly found bits from an original concept. Originally, a brass holder for an Aether Disturber with a Galvanic energy controller was purchased with no real idea how to use the device safely.

Then, by chance, the inventor came across a suitable sized protective chamber sold by Messrs. Ikea & Co of Sweden. Described by them as a BEGÅVNING Glass dome with base, but unable to speak Swedish, I can only presume that BEGÅVNING is Swedish for "Safety". As of today, I can say that the completed Luminous Aether Generator has continued to work safely whilst encased within the protective BEGÅVNING Glass dome with no known side effects or health risks.

Other items collected were some Galvanic wire connectors, a Galvanic Energy Variable Flow Restrictor from Messrs. Sodial of Amazonia (somewhat curiously referred to as a "table lamp whole range dimmer") and an LED (Luminous Edison Device) Aether Disturber capable of having its emitted luminous aether regulated by the restrictor device.

A suitable wooden mounting base was also purchased to provide both a stable support whilst protecting the user from the Galvanic elements of the design in the form of a turned wooden bowl.

Eagle eyed Galvanists will also note that there is no earth attached to the metal base. This is because everything within the base is double insulated and my house is also protected by an ELCB. However, if you are concerned, you should fit an earth to the metal base and the Aether Disturber holder.

STEP 2: Luminous Aether Generator Base Design

It was found that the brass Aether Disturber holder could be mounted centrally on the brass base by using the screw on Galvanic cable holder and a suitably sized hole was drilled. Similarly, a hole for the Galvanic Energy Variable Flow Restrictor was drilled and then fitted beneath the brass plate. The extra holes around the rim were designed to allow the brass base to be surely fitted to a wooden plinth, which had the dual purposes of containing the huge Galvanic energies involved whilst providing a stable base in case of an excessive Luminous Aether flux disturbance causing a breech in the time-space continuum field (fortunately, as it turned out, not an issue, but as always, better to be safe than sorry). The smaller holes were used for standard brass round head slotted screws, the larger holes for suitably powerful bolts. In reality, only a couple of screws were necessary but it was felt more were visually better. Random placement would also work. The only criteria is to make sure that none of the screws pierce or come near the cables or Galvanic Energy Variable Flow Restrictor.

All holes were drilled using a pilot hole followed by a larger drill if necessary. Using this particular base it was also found best to drill from the top as, although it appears to be a solid brass base, it is in fact a composite base of an alloy centre with a brass sheet outside. Drilling from inside can cause the brass sheet to distort.

STEP 3: Installation of the Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor and the Energy Directors.

It is important to channel to the Galvanic energy safely through the Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor to the brass Aether Disturber holder. In order to facilitate this, the protective cover on the Galvanic cable to the Aether Disturber holder was cut away for approx. 7.34cms in order to splice in the Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor cables. The "live"/brown cable was cut into two, the safety insulation pared back and the Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor placed in the circuit, using suitable two-way lever wire connectors.

Finally, drill a large centre hole in the wooden bowl (approx 2.451cm) and a smaller hole in the side which is used to take the Galvanic energy conductor through to a suitable plug.

To complete the Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator, feed the Galvanic energy conductor through the two holes in the wooden bowl and the mount the brass base on to the bottom of the upside down wooden bowl before inserting the Aether Disturber in its holder.

STEP 4: Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator Testing and Usage Information.

IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT TO BE FULLY TRAINED IN THE USAGE OF AND AWARE OF THE DANGERS OF BOTH GALVANIC ENERGY AND LUMINOUS AETHER DISTURBANCES. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! FURTHER PROGRESS IS AT YOUR OWN COGNISANCE.

1. Connect the Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator to an appropriate external Galvanic energy conduit source.
2. With the protective cover removed, turn the Aether Disturber holder switch to "On".
3. Test Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor performs by rotating the control dial. There should be a visible variance in the luminous aether disturbance.
4. Replace the BEGÅVNING (Safety) Glass dome.

Now, bask in the heady glory of your Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator as it brings the healing power of Aether waves to the darkness of your night.

There is also a little piece of satisfying personal theatre involved as you have remove the BEGÅVNING (Safety) Glass dome before turning the Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator on or off, always remembering to return it for the safe operation of the device.

Finally, I have entered this into the Galvanic Institute's 1897 Exhibition at the Crystal Palace where I hope to gain a Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha Award. Should you be visiting, please vote for me.

Comments

[EddieTheAwful]

If only a jug could be filled, not with ale but, with galvanic energy so as to be a portable source. Mind you; the jugs containing ale and the jugs containing galvanic energy would, of course, need to be clearly marked as to their respective contents to avoid ingesting a potentially deadly dose of galvanic energy. Provided all safety aspects are tended to, one could easily imagine a multitude of activities, not usually done at night for obvious reasons, suddenly available any time, day or night.

Of course, the storage of something as elusive as galvanic energy would be absolutely impossible. It is such a shame that the usefulness your galvanic disturbances will never be realized outside of the few major cities that supply galvanic energy. Still, good show!

[wobbler]

Dear Mr. The Awful,
Apologies for the delay in replying to your esteemed missive. I have been elsewhere engaged in pursuits, the nature of which I would not like to generally disclose at this moment in time for fear of my competitors in Galvanism leapfrogging my latest development. However, I am sure I can rely on your honour as a gentleman not to disclose this new form of transport.Just think of the potential of Galvanic energy in revolutionising transport. I am developing a new carriage which has a large hamster wheel mounted on it. Within this wheel a horse is placed and the wheel then turns an attached Wimshurst machine, which then provides the Galvanic energy to turn a suitable motor to drive the wheels.

At the moment though my experiments have been less than successful due to the Galvanic motor not having been invented yet so my current carriage stays resolutely in one place unless pushed. Another problem also seems to be that if the horse attempts to cantor it generates an excess of Galvanic energy. I have already lost three cart horses due to Galvanic shock as well as one stable lad who was standing too close at the time. I do however have plans to try having the next cart horse shod with gutta-percha horse shoes and wooden nails with the hope that that will solve this reliability problem. After all, you don't want to find yourself marooned far from home with a dead horse just because you decided to put on a burst of speed, maybe even as much as a calculated theoretical maximum of 10mph per horsepower.

I am considering calling it the Equine Powered Horseless Carriage or just E-Carriage for short and I have high expectations that once fully developed it will revolutionise the world as we know it.

Your esteemed servant, etc.

Wobbler

[Taz-Hood]

This is a most enjoyable Instructable with wonderful comments by other highly intelligent men and women of science. Bravo! I discovered this again recently by finding it amidst my "Bookmarks" [sic]. I assembled a variation of this device (albeit without a protective BEGÅVNING cover), as I had need of an ever-burning brass butter lamp for our Tibetan Buddhist shrine table that would not perchance burn our abode to the ground when left unattended. Simply stated, I purchased an extremely cheap "desk lamp" with the ability to change the level of brightness from off>low>medium>high>off-again by merely touching the metal surface of the lamp. I disassembled this so-called "desk lamp" to obtain the magical part that enables this ability, then tediously drilled through the solid brass column of the butter lamp and ran the wires up through the hole to a socket that holds a small-base, low-wattage Edison bulb (with my apologies), and affixed the magical component to the hollow underside of the butter lamp with insulating tape, running the electrical wire out through a square notch filed in the circular base. It works splendidly, and our fellow practitioners are suitably underwhelmed by its ability to be controlled by touch.

[wobbler]

Dear Sir,
I commend you on your furthering of Galvanic energy control but controlling by touch? What wizardry is this? I can only assume you have been dabbling in mystic Eastern arts but would warn you about the dangers of the potentially unknown consequences. You only have to look at Dr. Strange to realise the dangers of the path you appear to be following.

There is however great potential in your development and I look forward to furthering my own delopments by incorporating some of your esteemed ideas.

As for your underwhelmed admirers, pity them, they do not understand your genius, athough it may become painfully clear if they accidentally open a portal to another dimension by touching Buddha in tbe wrong place.

Your esteemed servant, etc.

Wobbler

[CaptClaude]

Thank the Gods that there are still those who dwell amongst us, possessed as it were, of a sense of humor and the ability to write long and detailed scholarly (albeit experimental) texts with the tongue planted firmly in the cheek. Bless you, Sir, and may the Shenanigans be with you always.

[wobbler]

Sir, thank you for your comment, but I can assure you most sincerely that my tongue and cheek are not planted firmly together. I am no mere music hall act, but a serious natural philosopher, fully committed to furthering both science and mankind with the unlimited potentials of Galvanic energy and luminiferous aether.

However, from your quaint spelling of humor, I can only conclude you are a Colonist and, as such, still somewhat behind on the latest developments in these advances The future is bright, the future is luminiferous aether.

Galvanism is the only way forward, the new energy of choice, Sir, steam has had its day and is for punks.

I remain, your humble servant, etc.,
Wobbler

[CaptClaude]

I shall follow your investigations and progress in this new and exciting field with great interest for I agree with you that Galvanic Energy is the One True Future and Best Hope for Mankind. Perhaps I shall also begin to experiment with Luminiferous Aether as well. The possibilities seem endless.
Yr Obvt Svt,
Capt. Claude Rotier, 2nd U.S. Volunteer Engineers, Retired

[MichaelB256]

I have a few misgivings about the success of your experiment as you only provide still pictures as proof of your success and no moving pictures. You, sir, are a charlitan and I declare shenanigans.

[wobbler]

I am well aware of the moving pictures of Eadward Muybridge but fail how to see that taking a series of pictures of the device will help. I have tested the device by placing it down and looking at it for over an hour, without blinking, and I can honestly say it didn't move once.
However, these are actually moving pictures based on Magic Lantern slides. Should you not have a Magic Lantern projector, can I suggest you reproduce the effect of motion by either moving your head from side to side whilst observing my Daguerrotypes or by keeping your head still and oscillating your preferred viewing device?
I'm also sorry to hear that you have shenanigans, but I have heard that medical science is on the cusp of a breakthrough and in future they will be controlled, if not curable.

[MichaelB256]

Shenanigans are definitely afoot. Shenanigans indeed. Talk of magic moving lanterns, witchcraft indeed. Your suggestion that I shake my head side to side left me convulsing and vomiting. I no longer trust your judgement.

[wobbler]

That is curious- exactly the same thing happened to me when I tried it. Have you tried it yet with a brown paper bag on your head? It may not stop the vomiting but it might make clearing up easier.

[MichaelB256]

I am willing to give you another chance. I am proceeding to put said bag on my head. I will respond with the results in exactly 60 seconds....starting now.

[wobbler]

Oh dear, it appears to have been more than 60secs, even more than a full minute. I do hope no harm has come to you. If so, this will be the fourth fatality this week as a result of my Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator. I'm beginning to suspect it may be more dangerous than I originally anticipated despite my care and attention to modern health and safety rules. If fatalities start to get into double figures, I may have to consider a re-design, although I will chalk it all up to experience and the justifiable risks of being at the cutting edge of Luminiferous Aether research in advancing science for the benefit of mankind as a whole.
Please pass on my deepest condolences to your next of kin should your demise prove fatal. Walk in the path of the Cord and rest in pieces.

[MichaelB256]

What happened? Where am I? I woke up and the bag was gone along with my left shoe and my watch. I was covered head to toe in rosemary and there was duct tape around my right hand in the shape of Thor’s hammer. I think I shall request a formal investigation. This is far beyond my abilities. And I need a shower.

[wobbler]

Welcome back! I was hoping to use you as a test subject for my new Galvanic Organimator Device (GOD), but it looks like it wasn't necessary. So disappointed as I've only had the chance to test it on frogs up to now. Still, give it time.

[MichaelB256]

Perhaps it is related to my breathing exercises? I found the paper bag, perhaps I should give it another go? If I'm going to assist you in your experiments I am thinking I should be given a clever moniker, but I am dreadfully awful at that and Igor has already been taken. But I could scurry about and look for a suitable test subject for your experiment. Should I walk with a limp or is that too cliche? I really should come up with some sort of gimmick, I should get to work. Maybe my hammer hand could provide some possibilities? I'll be in my room rehearsing in front of the mirror.

[wobbler]

Difficult to say if walking with a limp is too cliche or not without further information. What is the limp thing you were thinking of walking with?
As to the assistant name, four letters seem to be de rigour, thinking of Igor or Hulk, but you need to go with something exotic/edgy/faintly scary. How about Mike?
From my experiments with frogs and Galvanic energy, I would suggest it would help if you could practice twitching in front of the mirror. The frogs will of course be happy to at long last be going back to their pond, should I find you to be a suitable test subject for my further experiments. I presume you aren't allergic to copper or too lanky? Lanky, twitchy and flailing limbs can be dangerous, even when controlled by suitable restraints, plus it's all about size for assistants. Traditionally, unencumbered by being overly tall is an asset, small is beautiful, although beautiful is a definite no-no.
If you still feel you meet the criteria, we can discuss terms, but I would suggest a 100year internship is a good starting point.

[jimgarbe]

That's going to replace my amazon 3-wolf shirt!

[wobbler]

I fail to see how. I must warn you there are considerable risks and dangers involved in trying to get a Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator over you head. And trying to get your arms through it whilst actually generating a disturbance will definitely prove lethal, if not actually killing you.
Plus, even if you do succeed, have you ever tried ironing a Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator? You really should stick with your original choice unless you always want to be remembered as "whatever happened to that guy who tried to wear a Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator?".

[jimgarbe]

Yes, I could see my futility at such an endeaver. At first I thought the device was similar to a Galvanic Tesla Idiochromascope. Thank you for saving my life! The dangers surrounding this instructable are almost too much for publication. Lord knows I don't want to be another statistic, "that guy."