The Galvani-Edison Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator

The Instructablist would like to draw attention to the recent developments by Messrs. Galvani and Edison and the use of their research in developing a practical Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator.

Readers are warned that there are considerable risks involved in using Galvanic energy in this way and care should be taken at all times to alleviate the risk of death or even worse, as the long term dangers of luminiferous aether disturbances are currently not fully understood by luminous aetherium scientists.

YOU PROCEED AT YOUR OWN ACCEPTANCE OF THESE RISKS.

Step 1: Collect the Parts

The Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator was, to a certain degree a build up of randomly found bits from an original concept. Originally, a brass holder for an Aether Disturber with a Galvanic energy controller was purchased with no real idea how to use the device safely.

Then, by chance, the inventor came across a suitable sized protective chamber sold by Messrs. Ikea & Co of Sweden. Described by them as a BEGÅVNING Glass dome with base, but unable to speak Swedish, I can only presume that BEGÅVNING is Swedish for "Safety". As of today, I can say that the completed Luminous Aether Generator has continued to work safely whilst encased within the protective BEGÅVNING Glass dome with no known side effects or health risks.

Other items collected were some Galvanic wire connectors, a Galvanic Energy Variable Flow Restrictor from Messrs. Sodial of Amazonia (somewhat curiously referred to as a "table lamp whole range dimmer") and an LED (Luminous Edison Device) Aether Disturber capable of having its emitted luminous aether regulated by the restrictor device.

A suitable wooden mounting base was also purchased to provide both a stable support whilst protecting the user from the Galvanic elements of the design in the form of a turned wooden bowl.

Eagle eyed Galvanists will also note that there is no earth attached to the metal base. This is because everything within the base is double insulated and my house is also protected by an ELCB. However, if you are concerned, you should fit an earth to the metal base and the Aether Disturber holder.

Step 2: Luminous Aether Generator Base Design

It was found that the brass Aether Disturber holder could be mounted centrally on the brass base by using the screw on Galvanic cable holder and a suitably sized hole was drilled. Similarly, a hole for the Galvanic Energy Variable Flow Restrictor was drilled and then fitted beneath the brass plate. The extra holes around the rim were designed to allow the brass base to be surely fitted to a wooden plinth, which had the dual purposes of containing the huge Galvanic energies involved whilst providing a stable base in case of an excessive Luminous Aether flux disturbance causing a breech in the time-space continuum field (fortunately, as it turned out, not an issue, but as always, better to be safe than sorry). The smaller holes were used for standard brass round head slotted screws, the larger holes for suitably powerful bolts. In reality, only a couple of screws were necessary but it was felt more were visually better. Random placement would also work. The only criteria is to make sure that none of the screws pierce or come near the cables or Galvanic Energy Variable Flow Restrictor.

All holes were drilled using a pilot hole followed by a larger drill if necessary. Using this particular base it was also found best to drill from the top as, although it appears to be a solid brass base, it is in fact a composite base of an alloy centre with a brass sheet outside. Drilling from inside can cause the brass sheet to distort.

Step 3: Installation of the Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor and the Energy Directors.

It is important to channel to the Galvanic energy safely through the Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor to the brass Aether Disturber holder. In order to facilitate this, the protective cover on the Galvanic cable to the Aether Disturber holder was cut away for approx. 7.34cms in order to splice in the Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor cables. The "live"/brown cable was cut into two, the safety insulation pared back and the Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor placed in the circuit, using suitable two-way lever wire connectors.

Finally, drill a large centre hole in the wooden bowl (approx 2.451cm) and a smaller hole in the side which is used to take the Galvanic energy conductor through to a suitable plug.

To complete the Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator, feed the Galvanic energy conductor through the two holes in the wooden bowl and the mount the brass base on to the bottom of the upside down wooden bowl before inserting the Aether Disturber in its holder.

Step 4: Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator Testing and Usage Information.

IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT TO BE FULLY TRAINED IN THE USAGE OF AND AWARE OF THE DANGERS OF BOTH GALVANIC ENERGY AND LUMINOUS AETHER DISTURBANCES. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! FURTHER PROGRESS IS AT YOUR OWN COGNISANCE.

1. Connect the Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator to an appropriate external Galvanic energy conduit source.
2. With the protective cover removed, turn the Aether Disturber holder switch to "On".
3. Test Galvanic Energy Flow Restrictor performs by rotating the control dial. There should be a visible variance in the luminous aether disturbance.
4. Replace the BEGÅVNING (Safety) Glass dome.

Now, bask in the heady glory of your Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator as it brings the healing power of Aether waves to the darkness of your night.

There is also a little piece of satisfying personal theatre involved as you have remove the BEGÅVNING (Safety) Glass dome before turning the Luminiferous Aether Disturbance Generator on or off, always remembering to return it for the safe operation of the device.

Finally, I have entered this into the Galvanic Institute's 1897 Exhibition at the Crystal Palace where I hope to gain a Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha Award. Should you be visiting, please vote for me.