How can I use a multimeter, a clock, three jars strawberry jam and a pencil, to make a fully-functioning Time Machine?

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kelseymh7 years ago
The multimeter and clock need to be connected in series, using the pencil as a shunt resistor to ground.  The multimeter is used to monitor the tachyon flux which is focused by the three jam jars, when they are connected in a triplet star formation.

Do you have access to a minimum 3.5 GeV proton linear accelerator?  Without it, the strawberry jam won't be properly activated to focus the tachyon flux, and you'll just end up with burned breakfast.
Aren't jigglewatts created by the Monty Python roller-skaters?
No, it's actually giga(gigga) watts...but the actor playing the professor - Christopher Lloyd - decided (since he didnt know) that jigga sounded better than giga.

*the more you know <bling>
The proposition at hand is very frightening,
For that kind of power you'd need a bolt of lightning,
But ya never know, when or where, it's gonna strike,
Much like my devestating flows on the mic!
Audio courtesy of the Futuristic Sex Robots.

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If he substitutes the jam for marmalade he can replace the proton linear accelerator for a set of christmas lights, set on a chaser cycle. 
Really?  Shoot, that reduces the cost by, what.....oh, my ghawd!  One point twelve gigadollars!
jeff-o7 years ago
That sounds like a question for MacGyver!

It's true though, you do need boysenberry jam.
jtobako7 years ago
Very simple.  Eat enough of the jelly fast enough and the diabetic coma will make the future appear much faster.  Stab yourself repeatedly in the leg with the pencil and time will seem to stop, or at least take forever to pass.  Set the clock for whatever time you want, and, in your own little world, that's what time it is.
AndyGadget7 years ago
If one combined those components into a working time machine which moved our entire universe forward or backwards in time . . . How would we know it had worked?
Because the jam level would decrease, silly.

Of course, we might have just built a jam disintegrator...

Maybe we are not the first to explore this concept.  You know all those little pip things you get in strawberry jam . . .   John Wyndham wrote a book about them.

(I've got the book. If you like classic SF short stories it is well worth a read.)
Re-design7 years ago
CAn't be done.  Everybody know that strawberry makes a transmutation machine for making gold out of lead.

You gotta have boysenberry jelly! for a time machine.
Seconded.  Also as ravingmad points out - an analog clock will result in a gold-shift while a digital will result in a lead-shift.
I did not know that.  I have never used a digital clock, thanks for the heads up.  The wife would really be bummed out if all her jewelry turned to lead.
It applies to all molecular and ionic gold/lead in a 2 block radius if you use a 12 volt battery without a resistor.
Well if you had a piece of paper, you could just use the pencil to write yourself a note.  I mean a note for you in the future, when you'll obtain the time machine. 

With the use of the clock you can also write down the time, so your future self will know whence to deliver the time machine.

I'm not sure what to with the strawberry jam. If only you had some bread, and some peanut butter...
Acepilot427 years ago
good question
Depends. Is the clock digital or analog?