Get 1 Million Views - by Cheating

by EvolvedAwesome

3.1K1119

Intro: Get 1 Million Views - by Cheating

1 Million views is a lot. Obviously it is impossible to ever hit that magic number.

Luckily you have graciously stumbled upon this incredible ible. Where you can learn the secrets that only the best implore. To cheat their way to 1 million views.

An example of one of the few lucky users that have employed my tactics is noahw in several of his obviously cheated ibles, such as How to Kiss, MIG Welding and Bruschetta Recipe. These ibles defentially all have absurd, unreachable and impossible view counts.

Keep reading to learn how you can become on of the greats!

STEP 1: Assemble a Crew

Find the right people

To pull of this innocuous cheat, you are going to need a crew. You can generally find one of these in your phone contacts, or you can hire them from any local competition involving gamers and pizza.

You are going to need your crew (of 5+ people) together for at least one night. So lure them in with promises of fun and enjoyment, then blockade them into a garage with multiple all you can eat buffets of Mountain Dew and Pizza.

Each one of these crew members will need a computer and can be sent home if they don't have one. Remember that after you have your views, each crew member can be expended back to his/her mums basement. (Note: Expending crew members not recommended for maintaining long term friendships)

STEP 2: Show Dominance Over Your Crew

Show them who's boss!

After 30 minutes of pizza and mountain dew, your crew will probably be pretty hoarse.

Or Caty (if they are female)

This is the perfect time to strike and declare dominance! Take LinusTech's example and put your crew into a subconscious state of slavery. As long as you sustain the pizza and mountain dew, then they will be no wiser than to follow your every command!

STEP 3: Give the Instructions

Make them do your bidding!

Now that you are their leader you simply have to print off a set of instructions and paste them on the side of the monitor. The instructions should be; reload, wait, eat, repeat

Note: The instructions should be clear and easy to follow, someone high on mountain dew and pizza won't understand what you mean when you say "That's some serious pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis!"

Download the instructions sheet below if you need a clinically tested instructions sheet used by only the best!

STEP 4: Enjoy a Good Nights Sleep

Go to sleep knowing you are a horrible person!

Now, your crew will slowly creep up your view count. At this point, you can confidently go to your bedroom, blockade the doors and enjoy a mostly restless night of sleep. Don't let the pizza and mountain dew addicts bite!

Disclaimer:

I am not responsible if you are stabbed, shot, murdered, eaten, mutilated, devoured, nibbled or swallowed during the night by people high on mountain dew and/or pizza. You best defense is to keep a steady supply of the two foods incoming via a delivery or catering service. In the event that the foods run out and your crew becomes homicidal or realises that you have enslaved them. Block the entrances to your bedroom and call 911. A mountain dew and pizza addict will do anything to get the precious two foods and so your life is in real danger. Before starting it may be wise to stock up on pizza and mountain dew ammunition for any guns that you may have. If you do not have any guns then it may be wise to make DIY mountain dew or pizza grenades to throw in the event that they attempt to infiltrate your home in the search of pizza and mountain dew. The above things might give you critical time for you to escape. In the event you cannot escape you may want to fashion pizza and mountain dew from body parts and/or organs. A substitute for pizza may include grafted skin for a base, along with blood for the sauce, organs for the pepperoni and mucus shavings for the cheese. Mountain dew can be substituted using urine and saliva. In most cases the mountain dew and pizza addicts will just take your offering and leave. Mostly because you are howling in pain on the floor almost dead. But in the event that they do not you should offer your body parts in order from the least needed, to the most. Start with an entree of finger and toe salad, moving on to a main core of arms, legs and rib cage niblings, and ending in a desert of liver and bladder pudding with a seasoning of hair. Hopefully the addicts are full by this stage and will leave you alone, probably passed out from pain, on the floor, almost dead. In the event that they are still hungry offer other treats like household rats and mice instead of your critical organs. Try to make a pact with the *new leader. Offer him endless mountain dew and pizza in the event that they do not eat you. In the event this does not work then attempt to stall the addicts until the morning sunshine as this will return them to a state of basement gamer and de-leathaltise them.

STEP 5: Expend the Crew

If you're not dead, you're doing well.

The secret is to wake up just before daybreak, stand in the middle of your garage and shout like Cave Johnson at everyone as soon as day breaks. Be angry, be annoyed! Sound like they have done something wrong!

At day break the effectiveness of mountain dew and pizza wears off, so you need to quickly get rid of everyone. Otherwise, they will realise what is happening.

If someone stays behind, take a piece of pizza and throw it out onto your driveway. When they go scampering for the pizza simply close the door.

STEP 6: Enjoy the Views!

Now jump onto any computer with internet access and view your article. It will have at least a million views and you will be a successful person! If you do this be sure to use the I made it button above to show me how many views you got! You should also send a private message to Kiteman showing him how amazing you are at cheating. Kiteman loves learning about awesome members in the community who know how to exploit the system and cheat!

STEP 7: Realise This Is a Joke

Pat the unicorn and Realise that this ible is a joke, have a great day!


P.S. Sorry about the absence of photos, and use of Gifs. I couldn't find anyone who would volunteer to stand in front of the camera. So I used inanimate objects and Gifs that the respective authors have allowed me to use.

18 Comments

brianchadorourke 5 years ago

Can I say something about Cats or Chuck Norris here? Hahahaaha. Great and funny instructable. Now off to find some friends.

Nate Barry 7 years ago

You had too much fun with this lol

EvolvedAwesome 7 years ago

Ahah, i have always tried to add a humorous trust to my ibles. In this case i might have gone a little overboard :D

Luigi Pizzolito 8 years ago

Cool!

but I think it actually was people viewing it or HACKING...

I made a script that reloads pages every 7 seconds(thats how much they take to load in china...) and it does it a billion(1000000) times, If I leave my computer running 24/7 it would take 116666.66666666666667 minutes, or 1944.44444444444444 hours or, 81.01851851851852 days or, 2.61350059737157 months to get 1,000,000(a billion views) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Now suppose that we follow your Ible:

if

1 reload = 1 slice of pizza

and every 4 slices of pizza = a bottle of mountain dew

then to reach a billion(1,000,000) views it would take:

1,000,000 slices of pizza

250,000 bottle of mountain dew

1 pizza has eight slices

so we need 125,000 pizzas

and as of today:

two pizzas from pizza hut in a promo cost $6.99/pizza [https://order.pizzahut.com/site/menu/deals]

and a bottle of mountain dew costs $3.99 [http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HZYCCKU/ref=s9...]

so then ...

we will pay $873,750 in pizza and $997,500 in Mountain Dew

Giving us the grand total of $1,871,250 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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And if that wasn't enough:

suppose it takes 5 minutes to:

reload

eat sclice of pizza

drink mountain dew

then that means that it would take:

300000000 Seconds or...

5000000 Minutes or...

83333.33333333333333 Hours or...

3472.22222222222222 Days or...

108.50694444444444 Months or...

9.04224537037037 Years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9 years of 24/7 non-stop pizza eating and mountain dew drinking!

........And thw worst part no pooping, no peeing and no sleeping.

Compare that to 2.61 months of leaving your computer on......

If you want the script you can download it below...

it's written is apple script so u need a mac! (obviuslly APPLE Script)

I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY THING YOU DO WITH THE CODE!

THIS SOFTFWARE IS PROVIDED AS WITH WITH OUT ANY WARRANTY, USE AT YOUR OWN RISK.

AFTER U OPEN IT CHANGE WHERE IT SAYS "http://www.webpage.com" to your webpage, and click on run!!

PS. Sorry for suck a long comment... I just had to... XD

MehmetS5 8 years ago

u got skype.. i wud like to contact with u

MehmetS5 8 years ago

u just did it. go on skype lets chat .

EvolvedAwesome 8 years ago

​Haha, your math is excellent. Thats a lot of money just for a million views, oh well I think its just for the dedicated of us out there :) It only takes 9 years :) But if you got a measly 50 people in it would only take around 0.18 years or about 65 Days. I personally usually have around 10000 people at my events which means it takes just under a third of a day.

Also, nice programming skills man, can I suggest some alterations though :)

Firstly you should probably add a piece that closes the safari window after opening the window to prevent RAM from being filled up with safari windows :) Something like:

tell application "Safari" close (every window) end tell

You could also add a prompt system and some variables to create a nice little application :)
Something Like:

property targetUrl : "http://www.google.com/" display dialog "What is the website url that you are View Botting? " buttons {"OK"} default answer "http://www.mywebsite.com/" set targetUrl to text returned of result

I have included a zip with an example of a non-menu app, a menu app and a fully compiled app you can take a look at :) At this dropbox line, if someone could enlighten me how to attach files that would be great :P
https://www.dropbox.com/s/jw8ukrpmeb9yi5h/View%20Faker.zip?dl=0

DISCLAIMER

THIS SOFTWARE AVAILABLE ON THE SITE OPENSHA.ORG IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND ANY EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE ARE DISCLAIMED. IN NO EVENT SHALL OPENSHA.ORG, THE UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (USC), OR ANY OF THEIR CONTRIBUTORS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, EXEMPLARY, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES (INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, PROCUREMENT OF SUBSTITUTE GOODS OR SERVICES; LOSS OF USE, DATA, OR PROFITS; OR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION) HOWEVER CAUSED AND ON ANY THEORY OF LIABILITY, WHETHER IN CONTRACT, STRICT LIABILITY, OR TORT (INCLUDING NEGLIGENCE OR OTHERWISE) ARISING IN ANY WAY OUT OF THE USE OF THIS SOFTWARE, EVEN IF ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

Luigi Pizzolito 8 years ago

Awesome!

Your programming skills are badass!

Cool Ible

EvolvedAwesome 8 years ago

Thanks, you should start programming python, its a lot of fun and you can make some really cool stuff. :)

Good Luck :P

Darknessblade. 8 years ago

you forgot that each view is IP bound so it does not work

EvolvedAwesome 8 years ago

Incorrect :) The views are not IP bound at all, but I would imagine that flags would be raised if 1 million views suddnly came from your IP :p

skrew_dreyever 9 years ago

... what? why does it matter how many views someone has?

EvolvedAwesome 9 years ago

It doesn't, however step 7 talks a bit about this.

Łukasz 9 years ago

Wow naoh really does have ridiculous view counts, he must have spent a fortune on pizza and mountain dew

EvolvedAwesome 9 years ago

Yeah, and to think that it costs $1000+ just to do it once (in my experiance). And that's not even including the inevitable hospital bills for the injuries that will come!

raghvmahashabde 9 years ago

hilarious
lets employ the technique from next time

EvolvedAwesome 9 years ago

thx, I was considering bringing in the forces for this article, but my wallet was a little light this time. Maybe I can call in some pizza favours?