Introduction: Taking Hover Upon Your Craft of Uplifting Lumber

The Instruction Chronicles Manifested By Cody, Nick, Charles, and Dr. Schlong:

In present time, you will be able to visualize the configuration of a semi-everyday material "hovercraft" using this article; spectating is advised. Human labor is involved using the latest up-to-date physics techniques in which teachers have been using in physics classes since leaf blowers were invented. It is as though an ancient ritual has been laid down upon us to execute in precise precision. Adding our own DNA and creativity to this project we hope by these instruction you will donate your own creativity.
Despite the extreme joy that comes along with the construction of this program, you are in fact putting physics to use. What makes the hovercraft levitate is the pressure that pushes the wood from the ground. The pressure is vacuum sealed in the tarp which is wrapped around the wood frame of your hovercraft.
Balance takes place too, which is and example of equilibrium. This abides when you are upon the levitating craft and balance needs to be maintained in the center.

Step 1: All O' the King's Horseman Gathered Apparatus for the Moat (The Art of Gather)

Get some lumber particularly of your choosing, in such the wood can be shaped in direct choosing with the aid of a saw/ jig saw/ wood saw/ table saw. When choosing lumber it should look like a giant fat piece of paper and brown (douglas fir parted with plum oak cedar, halfbreed). Choosing any other lumber would be a party foul. In addition, getting the wood is not the first step but a step in the overall "first step", you're not being let from the leash so easily buster.
Second in the many steps of "the first step", hoard, trap, or beguile some tarp, shower curtains, or any other natural preservatives into your dominion for the use of containing air from the leaf blower, which will be needed also and will be further discussed in step number 3 of "the first step".
Third, the leaf blower; yes the leaf blower, is of important cause, as has been mentioned will engage in providing pressure and air for the hovercraft. It is the heart of the covenant. The motor of hover.
Fourth being the last step, as the physics society always says, "fetch some tools, or the night man cometh!" Tools that are essential are drill, jigsaw, nut, bolt, plastic lid (like butter lid). Concluding the the first step, be safe.

Step 2: Lumber Mutilation, the Second Coming

The lumber is not your accomplice; do not succumb to guilt when you lacerate it's corners. The corners should be rounded as to be sure they may not have the opportunity or privilege to slice open your abdomen and/or your trachea as this will result in either permanent damage or immediate death nor can structures be left vulnerable to harm or seduction.
- A hole must be cut out on the near rear/caboose for the leaf blower's penetration. Do not make this into a joke.
- A hole must be drilled in the center of your hovercraft frame. This hole must fit the circumference of your bolt that will be later used for future steps.

Step 3: Tarp.

Oh, Tarpius Painus In My Anus. It's root meaning exclaims it's role in our project. This may be the thorn in your pampers. The tarp as explained is too contain the air and pressure created by the leaf blower, which creates it's "hover". It's purpose is very important so do not let it slip your mind. Extend the tarp underneath the your wood. Do not make this into a joke. Then fold the access tarp edges over the edges of your wood hovercraft frame.
Do not let the tarp folds be too loose, but do not let them be too tight. In between is fine. Then staple the tarp edges to the frame edges. Duct tape along the edges of the tarp so the vandalizing air(s) do not escape. After the tarp has been secured to the top of your lumber, it is necessary to lift your plank and toss it over so the underside is pointed towards the heavens. Now the butter lid comes into play. The lid must be completely centered on the tarp and only when it is, only then can you screw it into the lumber. When reaching maximum potential air pressure, it is intently important to have a release point in the middle sanctuarium. Actually multiple release points will desolate the purpose and capture failure. So riddling the correct amount of release points or "holes" will flow enough air out to produce the hover effect.

Step 4: Levitation, Holmes.

The fourth and final movement is to insert the leaf blower's snout into the hole of the caboose of the lumber. Do not make this into a joke. Once the leaf blower is inserted flip the battle switch and observe as your leaf blower blows. By this time you will see that your hovercraft has overpowered gravity and has achieved levitation. Deflate the craft and carefully step aboard. Once you have boarded your ship, inflate it once again and indulge in the gift of flight that you've been rewarded. While ripping up the airwaves, mind that you are courteous to your elbow partners. By acting on the force and being pushed henceforth, you will create a ripple in the time space continuum. Revealing a thrust. Thus emerging you victorious. I wear bras.

Step 5: Hardships, It Dwelleth In.

An immaculate design can not be achieved through mere human metacarpals, thus making every craft clausable for flaws. Nobody is fond of "das" quitter, folks used to say. So perseverance is accounted for in every triumph. Dan Marino never won a spelling bee, but he can throw a pigskin real far and his heart is surely in the right place. With this being said we defeated the so called "fat generation", "lazy generation", and "cracked-out generation" that we have been stereotypically labeled as; remorse will be a kick in the rump for the "labelers".
Make sure you charge your power tools, because "let me tell you", we forgot to charge ours and we couldn't saw squat! A hard egg laid is a hard egg well-done. On a break because of excessive amounts of work, we decided to "cut a rug" or as you young gentledudes like to say "dropping like it's too hot", we gashed the tarp while activating hip hop moves on top of the unfinished hovercraft frame. WE DO NOT ADVISE DANCING ON YOUR CRAFT. The tarp always rips, do not ponder yourself a loser.
When traveling with your hovercraft, a secure transport will be needed (like a truck with a back end). We never had a ride, so we failed. In the end, we succeeded this project in exultation. Our hover craft works in honor not enforcement.

Step 6: Chaffing the Head of Dugtrio.

Upon entering the Dugtrio terminal, you must be advised on the scalping trails. Allowing pocket space for your escape rope is a must along with making sure that you have lunch for the day. Dugtrio s a burring evolution of Diglet. Being a burrowing species of Pokemon makes them ideal for capture seeing as their only means of escape is to burrow into their holes, but this is not an issue if you remember to bring 4 sticks of dynamite and 43 yards of fuse on a retractable reel. Being a nephew of the Graboid, Dugtrio have a sausage-like hide. Slide your fingers across the sausage body of the Dugtrio and smell your hand. Indulge yourself in it's musk. Do not make this into a joke. It's your choice to use the ball of justice. As Confucius says, "Can there be a time of Reality Television?" Oswell "Ozzy" Osbourne interpreted this concept and first introduced the "Not So Happy Meals".