Vampire Hunting for Beginners

Intro: Vampire Hunting for Beginners

A step by step guide to hunting and destroying the undead lords of the night.

STEP 1: Vampires

Vampires are bloodthirsty and cruel undead creatures who prey on the blood of the living.

They will suck blood out of the veins in your neck, kill your beloved, and generally make a mess of things with your blood all over the nice carpet.

And thus we need to hunt them down with extreme prejudices to ensure our own survival, and for fun and possibly profit.

This instructable will guide you through the basics of vampire hunting and before you know it you'll be able to bag yourself a bloodsucker just like buffy the vampire slayer or any other of those beautiful feminine slayers.

STEP 2: Stakes Not Steaks Damnit!

The most important vampire killing tool is the humble stake.

A stake, (not to be confused with a steak) is a piece of sharpened wood that must be driven through a vampire's unbeating black heart in order to kill it.

see the pictures below for more information of the right kind of stake for the job.

STEP 3: Garlic Is a Girl's Best Freind...

Garlic is very powerful for repelling vampires (and anything else with a nose), and so is the pinnacle of importance for aspiring vampire slayers.

You may want to try tanking up on garlic filled food before setting off, try for example a nice garlic studded pot roast or dab a few drops of eau de garlic on your tasty exposed neck.

Either way- take at least a few bulbs with you on any hunt unless you want to end up as vampire food.

STEP 4: And Rinse!

As we all know from countless horror flicks, holy water goes through vampire flesh like beans through a goose, and thats what makes it so useful.

Throwing holy water on a vampire is the equivalent of chucking mr yuck on a kitten, not a pretty sight.

Nuff said, you can get this stuff from churches and apparently conveniently bottled on the internet.

STEP 5: Crucifixes

Ah, the humble crucifix- who would have thought that a pair of sticks held together or a heavy wooden cross would have such excellent effects on the children of the night.

Don't bother trying silver on a vampire thats werewolves everybody! Slaying werewolves is a whole different thing and is the basis for a whole other instructable.

STEP 6: Vamp or Goth?

The greatest danger in vampire hunting is that your target turns out to actually be just a quiet man with greasy hair and bad teeth who works a night shift.

Jumping and impaling such a man will result in imprisonment in most nations, believing someone to be a vampire is not a good excuse in court.

A good test is to leave a mirror in a place where you will see his reflection as he walks past it on one of his jaunts to find the juicy necks of young, blonde haired maidens.

Be sure that he is actually a vampire before you pounce.

STEP 7: ''Our House, in the Midddle of Our Street...''

Never forget that your house is a safe refuge from the undead, unless of course you invite him in or you live in a free house or squat.

Although you are safe as long as you stay in your house, it is worth taking precautions such as putting garlic around door and window frames and not holding invite your friends parties.

If the fiendish dead find loopholes or trick you into inviting them in for a nice hot mug of borovan and a bit of chitchat then don't worry- you can always become a nun or monk.

STEP 8: Your All Set to Go...

After reading this instructable you are all set to go and bag yourselves vamps at your leisure.

Please exercise a bit of caution in your hunting and never forget that there are many more creatures reserved for other instructables and not al of them are so esaily dispatched...

STEP 9: Legal Gubbins

Some of the steps in this instructable may lead to injury or death, and are intended for comic purposes only, such as putting cleaners on cats (see step 4) or placing crucifixes in tins of raisins (see step 5).

I accept no responsibility for the consequences and/or results of any persons actions and in no way endorse the stabbing of pale, black haired individuals who have a morbid obsession with blood and death. This includes My Chemical Romance fans.

Keep your wits about you and exercise a bit of common sense and you'll be fine.

Thanks for reading my first instructable!

Happy Hunting!

Comments

[EPIC mercenaryg]

i may have te word gaming in my username but dont let that foll you ill make every

vampire pay for what thay have done to me

[deathkub21]

Interesting

[TheEngineerGirl]

what have vampires done to you?

[ericbuck2000]

If anyone lives in lebanon, wateretown tennessee, a real vampire, and willing to turn ppl that ask you to turn them, plzz contact me at [e-mail] i realy want to be a vampire.

[deathkub21]

Stay up for 3 dayz. Hot sauce heinous no dairy

[faithboo111]

My Name is Kelly Williams from Canada, i turn to a vampire any time i want to, I become a real vampire because of how people treat me, This world is a wicked world and not fair to any body. At the snack of my finger things are made happened. Am now a powerful vampire and no one step on me without an apology goes free. I turn to human being also at any time i want to. And am one of the most dreaded and respected person in my country. i am now also very famous and rich with the help of the VAMPIRES EMPIRE. i get what ever a want. i become a vampire through the help of my friend who introduce me into a vampire Kingdom by given me their email: [e-mail], if you want to become a powerful and a real vampire kindly contact the vampire kingdom on their email: [e-mail] for help. it is real. Contact them today. [e-mail].

[deathkub21]

Nice

[KRA-Z]

Hey! I was turned into a Vampire 36 days ago and I am not bloodthirsty. I hunt animals and NEVER tasted human blood. I want to start hunting the bad vampires. Do you think I COULD?

[sep.1002]

yes, i think you can

[agentchristian11]

I’m from the United States, i was been transformed to a Vampire through the help of Vampire Family in California, it was just as easy as possible, at first i was thinking it going to take a while for my ( D.N.A.) to respond to the spell, all i did was just to follow the procedure that i was been told, and i bet you that procedure I took change my entire life to something i ever desire, freedom, sickness free, pains free, fame, influence, connections and even more that i can. Thanks to my dear friend Mr. Enrique who directed me to Mystic vampire home.

if you wish to be like me contact the vampire at [e-mail]

[JackG79]

also don't think everyone who drinks blood is a vampire, they may be something of a kitsune ( a japanese fox spirit sometimes depicked as being vampiric) like me or something else. my point is "i is no mean teh harm 2 u".

[johnd13]

how dumb are some of you ,vampires may be stronger faster and agile than humans but still have weaknesses of them thats why they stalk their victims but most try not to kill vampires are not immortal they just age longer eventually if they do not get killed die their bodies stay the same and decompose just like humans to turn you must drink the blood of a vampire werewolves like me have the same lifespan as humans they are stronger faster and better senses than a human but are still killed the same just like vampires although we are stronger in a pack the alpha is always stronger like me werewolves dont turn full wolf unless they are a very powerful alpha. The only vampires that are immortal is the original 13 jesus and his 12 deciples

[jacob626]

How did you become a werewolf. ?

[ChilledS]

Why would you want to be a mutt?

[LuckywolfG]

whats wrong with being a wolf

[PriestL]

Hello everyone, in 2014 i wanted to become a vampire from one man in UK and he collected my money, and he did not make me a Vampire. In 2015 someone directed me to a vampire lord in Bulgaria and this man make me a vampire. I will advice anyone who want to become a vampire should contact Wallace Graham via email: [e-mail] the money who make a Vampire.Miss Jennet.

[LiamS32]

r u a vampire

[PriestL]

Hello everyone, in 2014 i wanted to become a vampire from one man in UK and he collected my money, and he did not make me a Vampire. In 2015 someone directed me to a vampire lord in Bulgaria and this man make me a vampire. I will advice anyone who want to become a vampire should contact Wallace Graham via email: [e-mail] the money who make a Vampire.Miss Jennet.

[LiamS32]

are u a vampire prietL

[bloodsucker420]

Everyone that has ever said they were a vampire they are lying but that is not me sayng they arent real. they are 100%. but all of the people who think they know about vampires they are wrong crucifixes,holy water,garlic,silver dont work and if sunlight really did kill them do you really think that there would be any around today, they dont have transformation powers or super strength they arent even pale but one thing i can tell is all the people who truly beleive in vampires like i do dont stop because the world will always need hunters but one thing that people dont really understand is that the world needs vampires too