Introduction: What to Do When You've Sliced Your Finger.

You have attempted to cut the tip of your finger off with a very sharp blade. Do not cry. 
In this first step you'll want to wrap your finger and hold it above you're head like you've been taught to do. 
It should only be a few seconds before curiosity sets in and you peel the wrap off to have a look. At this point you will want to photograph your injury, otherwise you'll be met with 'no pics-didn't happen' from your friends. 

Step 1: Explain Your Current Position to Those Around You.

Start by yelling "I'VE DONE SOMETHING BAD."
The response will probably be, "Haha. Is there blood?"
The appropriate reaction is, "Uh...yeah. Yeah, some blood."

At this point all people within earshot will probably stop laughing and run to your side. 
None of them have cars because you live in 'bike friendly' Portland, Oregon. Your friends will direct you to the closest bus that will take you to the closest hospital. 

Get on that bus. Explain to the bus driver what you have done and calmly take a seat near the front. 
Take your paper towel wrap off again and watch the faces of the strangers around you. They may be upset that you are assessing your injury in such a public place. Take another picture. 

Step 2: At the Hospital

You'll arrive at the hospital. They will check you in, and possibly crack some jokes about how you failed at cutting your thumb tip all the way off. "Do or do not, there is no try," the doctor will tell you with a chuckle. 
Let them clean 'er off. Take some more pictures. 

If they think you've hit the bone, they will order an x-ray. After cleaning it, but before stitches/x-ray they will re-wrap your finger. It may look like a part of male genitalia . It's ok to laugh. 

Step 3: Stitches.

They'll shoot you with Lidocaine in your thumb. These needle pokes will hurt more than the flap of your thumb does. It's ok, it will go numb in a second. 
You can try to watch the doctor sew your thumb, but they'll tell you it's best if you don't look. The doctor may even go so far as to block your field of view with his/her arm. Pictures are not allowed at this point. It's ok to be sad about this. 

The doctor may say, "Sweetie, don't get your hopes up. Your thumb tip may not take."
Listen carefully as she explains after care to you, and explains that it may turn grey and flake off. It's ok if this happens, it will nearly grow back. Your thumb print will try and regenerate, but it might be a little wonky. 

Smile as you silently compare your amazing thumb to a starfish. 

Step 4: Stitches Will Be Removed in 10 Days.

10 days is a pretty long time to have an out of commission thumb. 
This may be your last few days with your current thumb tip. Use nail polish and photoshop to make the best of your remaining time together. 

Instructable to be continued. 

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