Automated Answering System V1.0

Sometimes I just don't feel like answering the phone. Okay, okay... most of the time I really don't care to answer the phone. What can I say, I'm a busy man.

For a long time I've been wanting a system similar to the one that the phone company for their customer service line. In other words, I want people who call me to receive a recorded message and then be placed on hold forever with no real hope of their call being answered.

This is the first iteration towards the phone system of which I speak and serves as a proof of concept as I continue to develop it to its utmost potential.

Future versions of this system will have the following features:
1. A touch tone controlled start menu
2. More intelligent pre-recorded message selection
3. A larger music selection
4. An operator function which will play a pre-recorded message and then disconnect the call
5. Presentable project casing

Step 1: Go Get Stuff

You will need:

1) A bluetooth headset
2) An 1/8" audio jack
3) A 100K potentiometer
4) Hookup Wire
5) An 1/8" male to male audio cable
6) A computer microphone
7) Garage Band (or similar)

Tools:
1) Diagonal cutters
2) A soldering iron and solder
3) A multimeter
4) A hot glue gun
5) A marker

(Please note that some of the links on this page contain affiliate links. This does not change the cost of the item for you. I reinvest whatever proceeds I receive into making new projects.)

Step 2: Nurse! Scalpel!

With your diagonal cutters, carefully start cutting away the plastic casing of your headset to expose the microphone.

Step 3: Testing... Testing...

With your multimeter, figure out which pin on the microphone is power and which pin is ground. Place a mark on the board next to the ground pin with your marker.

Step 4: Operate

Desolder or forcibly detach the microphone (without damaging the rest of the circuit board).

Step 5: Attach Wires

Wrap the a red and black wire around the bluetooth headset and then glue it in place making certain to leave enough room to solder the ends of the wires to the bluetooth microphone terminals.

Attach a red wire to the terminal that the positive end of the microphone was attached to and a black wire to the terminal that the negative end was attached to.

Step 6: Resist

Add the 100K potentiometer in series with the red wire attached to the headset such that the middle pin is attached to the red wire and either of the outside pins is connected to the audio tab on the music jack.

In case you were wondering, the audio tab is the tab that is not physically connected to the large metal connector in the back of the jack. That is the ground pin.

Step 7: That's a Fact Jack

Connect the black wire to the ground terminal on your 1/8" mono jack.

Step 8: Record Music

It's important to record your own music. This will be sure to make the experience more personal and more enjoyable for everyone.

To record music, open garage band and create a new track for a real instrument. Plug in your microphone (if one is not built into your computer), hit record and start making music.

For inspiration visit Schnoize's official site.

Step 9: Please Hold

You need to get a female to talk in a pleasant voice and say the following:

"The expected wait time to talk to (your name here) is (slight pause) minutes. Please continue to hold and he will answer your call in the order in which it was received."

Where it says "(your name here)" the person should obviously state your name. And where it says "(slight pause)" you will be inserting a number spoken in a different voice in the next step.

Step 10: Record Numbers

It is important that the numbers spoken for the wait time should seem computer generated. In your best computer voice or using a robot voice modulator slowly count aloud from 5 to 45.

The reason for this range of numbers is that you don't want people to think they may be talking to you with 5 minutes nor do you want people to believe they will be on hold more than 45.

Step 11: Smash It Up

Randomly insert numbers into the "Please Hold" message into the space where your voice actor paused.

To have a smoother sounding message, slightly overlap the silent parts of the audio tracks and have one rapidly fade out when the other is rapidly fading in.

Once you have inserted wait times into a number of "Please Hold" messages, insert the please hold message every 30 - 45 seconds into your music track using the rapid fade-in and fade-out technique just described.

Below you will find an mp3 of my 7-minute hold message loop.

Step 12: Loopy

Place your audio track onto an audio player and set it to loop infinitely.

Step 13: Audio Out

Plug one end of your 1/8" audio cable into your music player and the other end into the audio jack connected to the bluetooth headset.

Step 14: Turn It On

Turn on the bluetooth headset and make certain that the potentiometer is providing 100K worth of resistance to the circuit.

Step 15: Setup Phone

Setup phone to auto-answer with the bluetooth headset when it rings.

Step 16: Test It!

Starting is as simple as hitting play. Call your phone using another line and you probably should hear little to nothing on the line. Very slowly turn the potentiometer until your start to hear music at a reasonable level. Keep your potentiometer at this setting from keeping the bluetooth headset from being shorted.

Step 17: Never Answer Your Phone Again

Now, if anyone calls you, they will get your answering system and be forced to listen to your hold message forever! Enjoy your new carefree life cut off from the outside world.

Did you find this useful, fun, or entertaining?
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Comments

[dinosore0]

I just wanted something to answer a landline with a HELPFUL message redirecting to a VOIP number. The ads I found seemed to assume I might want to ANSWER the phone! These days answering machines seem to include a handset. That's unnecessary clutter. I would like something as discreet as possible to answer calls with a simple message. No ringing. No flashing lights. Easy to hide.

So your project didn't help, but thanks for amusing me.

[ChrisC190]

hahaha this is great man! I never thought of using the "answer right away" option.. its great if I'd ever need a more personal message recorded. Usually I just turn on the "call forwarding" feature and send all the incoming calls I get to some telephone company's intercept recording tell them to use the operator to complete their call haha but they will NEVER REACH ME!

thisisarecording.com

is a great site with tons of old and new telephone intercept message numbers which you could then use to forward those annoying people to nowhere. They also have recorded operator speech. Each number and letter has been separated out into individual .mp3 files

[emmjul]

wouldn't it be easier to bulid a little asterisk server?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asterisk_(software)

[hintss]

thats what I did. "Hello, you've reached Henry. Press 1 to be redirected to the Rickroll line. Press any button to be redirected to the Rickroll line. Hang up to be called back and Rickrolled."

[randofo]

My ultimate goal is to make a portable device.

[epizeuxis]

Are you anywhere near the new version?

[randofo]

Yes and no... I started it, I stopped it and will resume it again in a few weeks.

[t_dep]

i think you can get this done with bluetooth serial coms, bluetooth audio gateway, at+commands and little bit of programming probably in Java. im looking into it.

[Heliosphan]

Hi This is a fun little idea, except for the fact that its indended to force other people give mo' money to the already stinking-rich mobile phone industry. Now if it were a useful telephony menu system, with which you can tie in and automate home appliances and other tasks (for your own use of course!), now you're talking - I await your next version... Thanks!

[randofo]

I have more minutes than I know what to do with.

[GrafixMan306]

do you think it might be possible to record the message onto a sound chip kinda like the DIY birthday cards and just connect that to the mic contacts on the headset instead of the computer?....................I think i might try this.

[randofo]

Very possible. In future versions of this I'm going to use two 16 minute addressable sound recorder chips and create a touch-tone system very similar to what the pros use (or possibly I might develop a custom MP3 player for this).

[firesketch]

I LOVE YOU RANDY. (TM) Props man :)

[firesketch]

Oh, and nice hair. (Man, this is my fourth double post today :/)

[whatsisface]

Sweet, I always thought of a phone as being incredibly rude. It's kind of like someone standing in the same room as you yelling "TALK TO ME" until you do.

[Lithium Rain]

LOL! I never thought of it that way, but that's very true, come to think of it!

[Goodhart]

this is one of the reasons I am always hesitant to call someone......what exactly am I interrupting ?

[Oscelot]

This is why you ask "Am I interrupting?" after naming yourself. ;) There are guidelines to these things.. they're just being lost.

[Goodhart]

No one ever answers "yes" to me, though, even when I am interrupting (out of politeness I believe) and besides, even if they DID answer yes, then I have already "interrupted" and it is too late to prevent it :-)

[Koolraap]

wow, there are some deep ethical questions here !