No doubt Crack Pie is the best dessert you'll ever have. Period. No doubt Crack Pie is addictive, it's sweeping the country, and there's no doubt it's everything the food police warned you about. And yes, people who've tasted it the first time claim to see God. Could Crack Pie be the gateway baked-good to a life on insulin? No doubt.

Friends do not let friends make Crack Pie by themselves. Hence this instructable is for my friend Leslie as I virtually hold her hand, she inhales deeply and I open the cage door so that monkey with an apron can crawl onto her back and we can get started down that long road into the kitchen.

But couldn't Leslie have just gone to the street and tried to score Crack Pie on her own? Yes, she could've, but in this case the first slice is not free, in fact a whole pie is almost $50 USD. Slices are only available at Momofuko Milk Bar in DC and NYC. Besides that, the recipes posted online are insanely and unnecessarily complicated. - this Instructable is for the Copy Cat Contest and I hope it will simplify the instructions enough so this will not be as challenging to for you or Leslie to make as it was for me to figure out.

Step 1: Ingredients

I didn't invent Crack Pie of course, and after tasting it at Momofuko Milk Bar in DC I thought I was going to have to get a part time job to support what surely was going to become an expensive habit, so I was over the moon happy to find a few recipes for it online - but they were very confusing because each recipe called for an array of different ingredients.

Even the construction of the pie itself tends to be a bit confusing because to make the crust you first make a giant oatmeal cookie - then crumble the cookie up to and use it as ingredient in the crust. But we will get to that.

Crack Pie Filling

1.5 C sugar
3/4 C packed brown sugar
1/4 C powdered milk
1/4 C corn starch
1.5 tsp salt
2 sticks melted butter (unsalted)
3/4 C heavy cream
1.5 tsp vanilla
8 egg yolks - separate the yolks from the whites in your hand as it just is the easiest way, save those whites to give to you dog if he has no hair like Possum Bean, or just save them to do something else with.

If you have beaters use them, if you have a stand mixer use that, I had only a Cuisinart so that is what I used.

Combine the sugars, powered milk, corn starch and salt.

Add the melted butter and mix for 2 - 3 minutes.

Add the cream and vanilla and mix evenly.

Add egg yolks and mix just until glossy and combined.

Put this whole mix into the fridge while you work on the crust.

Step 2: Crust - Part 1

Don't even think you can get away with a gram cracker crust here, this pie is too dense, too strong for anything but a chewy crust. After you make it you'll agree.

1 stick butter at room temperature
1/2 C packed brown sugar (light or dark hardly matters here)
3 T sugar
1/2 C flour
1.5 C oatmeal - just regular, normal oatmeal, not quick oats.
1/8 tsp baking soda
pinch baking powder (a pinch is how much you can hold in all of your fingers and your thumb)
1/2 tsp salt

Put all of the above ingredients into a Cuisinart - that is my generic name for a food processor - or just use whatever you have on hand to mix it all together. After everything is incorporated it's easy to flatten the dough with a spatula to about 1/3" on a half-sheet pan that has a Silpat (silicone mat) on top and bake at 350ºF for 15 minutes. If you don't have a Silpat mat that is OK, the dough is oily enough that scraping the giant cookie up afterwards shouldn't be difficult.

Step 3: Crust - Part 2

1/2 stick of butter
1/4 tsp salt
1 T brown sugar
powdered sugar or confectioner's sugar for serving

After the giant cookie has cooled break it up and put it back into the Cuisinart with the butter, salt and brown sugar. Save the powdered sugar for sprinkling on top of the pie when you serve a slice. Pulse a few times until it looks like wet sand. Pat down the 'wet sand' into a lasagna pan the way I did, or use 2 pie plates - but I think one large pan is better.

Step 4: Bake and Freeze

Pour the filling on top of the crust, it's going to be less than 1/2" deep. Bake at 350ºF for 15 minutes in the top third of your oven. After 15 minutes jiggle the pan and see if the pie is jiggly in the center and not around the edges. Open the oven door for a few seconds to lower the oven temperature and turn the pan around for even baking. Lower the temperature to 325ºF and cook for another 5 minutes.

You are looking for a pretty sold firmness all the way around the pie with just a slight wiggle in the middle being fine.

Freeze the pie for at least 3 hours. Take it out of freezer and put it into the fridge for an hour or so before serving. The pie should be served cold. It is so thin that putting it into the fridge before serving is not that important or necessary. Cut into thin slices you would not know if it came from the freezer or the fridge. Think of this pie as being more of a candy bar, it's terribly sweet but it hits the spot in terms of texture and flavor. A small slice goes a long way.

Crack Pie is not very attractive - and that's being nice, really it's pretty dang ugly. It is a really good idea to sprinkle some confectioners' sugar on top or pulse some regular sugar in the Cuisinart to make your own.

Step 5: Inhale, I Mean Indulge

I think the look on my son's face says it all.

This Instructable was made for the Copy Cat contest, I hope you will make this incredible pie and maybe vote for this recipe as well.

Step 6: The (un)Complications:

Here's a photo of mix you can buy at Momofuko. I haven't tried that but I was really tempted after reading all of the wacky different recipes online. When recipes list measurements in the smallest insanely difficult increments I always have to do the math in my head - converting "16 Tablespoons" of butter into 2 sticks. Or 5 Tablespoons of fill-in-blank to 1/3 C. In this case it's not perfectly exact, but the 1 tsp it's off I can live with for connivence's sake. I mean who has the time to measure out 5 of anything when 1 will do? So just to satisfy my own rant here are some things to un-complicate life in the kitchen.