Why would you make this?

Why not?

My father used to say that Marmite was the British Empire's greatest contribution to civilization, second only perhaps to the steam engine, which is obviously a lie, but props to him for trying to make me laugh.

I love marmite, and even I will say that there are many better ways to consume marmite (the classic on toast, with potatoes, a little bit in pasta, for a little kick in a Bloody Mary, broth). Not to mention that some of the steps are a little bit time consuming (it requires a 3D printer). But this is precisely why you should spend time making this impractical thing. Wage war upon the tyranny of sensibility.

Step 1: 3D Print the Marmite Big SqueezeMold

Find my Marmite® Big Squeeze 2 part mold from here, and 3D print it to the sizes of your choosing.

Step 2: Duct Tape the 2 Parts of Each Mold So They Don't Leak in the Freezer

You may be thinking, why do we need duct tape? Is this not a sign of an imperfect mold?--to which I say, yes, it is imperfect, but so is life, and let's be honest, so are you. Embrace it.

Step 3: Make the Juice

Dissolve Marmite in hot water. Here buying the Marmite® Big Squeeze variety of bottle is helpful, since you can dispense the marmite in precise amounts without the aid of an external utensil.

Increase marmite for more intensity, increase water for less.

Step 4: Pour Juice in to Mold, Put in Some Popsicle Sticks, and Leave in Freezer for Several Hours

(I forgot to take a picture)

Step 5: Pull Them Out From the Freezer

You may notice that the popsicle sticks are inserted crooked. If one prefers a perfectly erect popsicle stick, one can carefully suspend the stick in the juice by using a little tape. Mine are crooked because I just plopped them in. I knew this would happen, but I did not have the patience and energy to do it last night. Life got in the way, by which I mean I spent hours doing work for my weaving class, a mostly ridiculous class that demands an unethical amount of labor for a depressingly tiny output; a class that aspires to 'make pretty shit;' a class that I must take for my degree. The loom inspires hatred within me. One feels that one's time is wasted, but such is the tragic reality most of us must face. I mourn for the spring-time of my youth.

So one must take shortcuts, heartbreaking as it may be. And when it comes down to either making a Marmite® lollipop with a crooked popsicle stick, or not making a Marmite® lollipop at all, we must choose the former. We must not let our miseries squash entirely our little rebellions, our expression of joy, else we face the death of the soul.

Step 6: The De-molding Process

When we pulled the lollipop from the freezer, you may have noticed some upwards leakage, such that the frozen snack was over-flowing from the top of the mold. Shave this excess off of the mold by using an open pair of scissors or a knife.

Now plunge the mold in warm water for half a minute--by doing so the edges of the mold warm up, and will allow your treasure inside to more easily be removed from the mold.