Dear civilians of the illuminati.
We would like to show our gratitude for your on going support for our top secret stuff that we do here at Illuminati Inc. So for Christmas, a card. Untraceable, as it is not bought on a credit card, in fact we're barely even giving it to you, as you have to make it yourself due to secrecy issues concerning Wikileaks.
Yours,
Illuminati Inc.

Step 1: What You Need

You will need:
Permanent marker
Glue stick
Scissors
A4 paper
Green wrapping paper
Any colour other than green wrapping paper
Newspaper
And a computer with a printer (optional)

Step 2: Paper Preparation

To prepare your card body get your A4 sheet of paper and fold it in half vertically. Next, pick up one of the corners and drag it onto the other side so it makes a right angled triangle (illuminati confirmed). Refer to the pictures if you are confused. Next, cut off the triangle. When unfolded, this should make a square, but if you want to make multiple cards, fold the remainder in half and cut, so you have two more squares.

Step 3: Tree Creation

Now, you need the green wrapping paper. Place it on top of the card and fold it so as a small flap goes under the big piece, finishes at the top of the card, and covers 75% of the card. Look at the picture in case you don't understand. Next, cut the small flap of. You should have a long, thin piece of paper, which you should cut to be 5 cm wide. Now use the scissors and cut from the corners of the bottom to the middle of the top to make a... Triangle. It should look like it does in the picture.

Step 4: Background of Card

Now spread the 'wrapping paper that is not green' out, and place the card on it (closed). With the permanent marker, trace around the card. If it touches the edges it doesn't really matter as it is not noticeable. Then cut out the shape and glue it on the card front.

Step 5: Exterior Assembly

Now, you paste the green wrapping paper triangle on the front of the card. It should be centred, with the top point touching the top of the card. Now, you cut out a small square from the newspaper. Paste this on under the triangle, and you now have a Christmas tree!!! But not for long, as you now get out the permanent marker and transfer Illuminati Inc.'s logo onto the triangle. You now have a Illummas tree.

Step 6: Interior

You can leave it there, but, if you want to keep up the style, you should go on 1001 fonts.com and get the earwig factory font. You may type in anything. Some may go for a simple, dear civilian, Christmas greetings from the illuminati, but it is up to you. Print and paste into the card.

Step 7: PS...

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Hey, this is my first 'ible, so please say what you thought about it in the comments. And please vote. Thanks.