First off, this Instructable was totally inspired by the adorable 13 year-old who made the Beer Ice Cream Instructable.

https://www.instructables.com/id/Beer-Ice-Cream/

We were a little concerned that we didn't have the Waffle cone or Grecian Pool and nearly abandoned the whole project, but after careful consideration(um, yeah, let's just do it...) we decided to go ahead with our humble but inferior attempt. ; )

Our intention was to make Truly Scrumptious Strawberry Ice Cream and Conspicuously Stout Beer Ice Cream all in one go.. mix-it-up, cook-it-up, chill-it-up and down the hatch, within a period of, I don't know, 6 maybe 7 hours tops, like, this was our Saturday Night Inning.. well, good things apparently take longer than that. At least we had some Laphroaig and Newhart, and, oh yeah, our Interesting Selves to make it through the night.

Step 1: Gather Ingredients and Gadgets and Accoutrements

We took the time and applied the proper love to make this picture worth 1000 words, but fortunately you don't need that many things, so here's the short list:

8 oz of Real Milk(see pic)

8 oz of heavy whipyourass cream(see above)

5 egg yolks (can you spot the wooden one?)

1/3 cup of sugar(works best if poured from a champagne glass, I can't explain why)

Him-a-Layan-Her Salt(the grittier, the better)

Tinse of pure vanilla(it's a word, ask my daughter)

Strawberries, between 10-30(hey, I'm an Anarchist, okay...? Do what you want.) : )

Step 2: Separate

Yes, Nature has provided us with a built-in yolk separator by simply cracking the shell in half and and cradling the yolk onto your hands and into a bowl, but, alas, man has made a gadget that doesn't work quite as well, plus you have to wash it, and then stuff it back into a drawer that Hates You... so yeah, we're going there.

Step 3: Whisk It, Whisk It Good!

Add sugar into bowl of egg yolks and.... whisk it.

Apparently, if you are in Germany, this video won't play for you.

WTF

Step 4: Heat Milk and Cream

Get an assistant to help you with this.

Pour Milk and HW Cream into sauce pan, on low heat, stirring every minute or so. You'll notice a skin developing. If you don't pay attention, it can quickly boil up and over the edges. Blame the assistant if this happens. It's okay, though, it won't affect the outcome, just makes a little mess(that she certainly will not clean up).

She Did, and she Didn't. She is So Fired.

Step 5: Combine Clouds Into Sunshine

Remove pan from heat and bring over to bowl of yolks/sugar mixture. Add a ladle-full of milk/cream, one at a time, into yolk mixture, whisking constantly.

Step 6: It's Laphroaig Time!

Now that you've fired your Assistant, you'll need a new Excuse-in-waiting: Pour drinks.

Oh, and also pour the newly-whisked mixture back into the saucepan.

Bring to stove top and turn heat on low.

Rifle through your gadget-filled drawer for a thermometer.

Hurry! Your mixture is getting hot!! Stupid gadgets, why do I have so many?

Found it!... (Don't even try to close that drawer now)

K, put the thermometer into the saucepan.

165 Fahrenheit, good. 184 is the magic number.

Slowly cook it, stirring, until it hits the magic number. It should be nice and thick now.

Step 7: Filter & Chill

Pour custard mixture through sieve and place in fridge.

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?
A: Pi a la mode.

Step 8: Um, This Song Is From 1804, How Can It Possibly Have Copyright?!

Stupid Google

Stupid Youtube

Stupid Copyright

Stupid "Intellectual Property rights"

I'm really sorry, but you'll have to X out the google ad that has defaced my video.

I guess I could have found an ad-free version, but this one by the Apollo Symphony has the drama I need to showcase these silly gadgets.

: )

Step Strawberries:

Transform strawberries as shown. Any lesser method will result in an inferior product.

Step 9: Still on the Strawberries

I put the sliced strawberries into the saucepan and put the heat on low.

My daughter broke the strawberries into smaller bits with a potato masher while I added a pinch of salt and spoonful of pure vanilla. Five to Ten minutes of this should be plenty.

Let cool for another ten minutes, then combine with the chilled custard mixture and put back in fridge.

Step 10: Chill Overnight

WHAT?!

Chill overnight?!

But what about my ice cream, tonight?

I know, I was a little disappointed too, because I'm thinking that after all this work I'd be able to enjoy my ice cream.

But no, I have to wait until The Next Day.

Since the kitchen was kinda messy and the utensils and tools were already out, I decided to make another flavor as well. We used an Oatmeal Stout. I reduced 16oz down to about 8oz.

Step 11: The Next Day

So, we have our ice cream maker, check

Strawberry/vanilla custard out of the fridge, check.

Lots of ice cubes and coarse salt, check.

Feline Supervisor, check.

Put strawberry custard mixture into machine. Mine may not be the same as yours, so I'll spare you the details of how to do that, but the general order is:

1. put ice cream mix in metal container

2. Fit into machine

3. put paddle into container, lock in as such.

4. put layer of ice in, then pour in salt over that

5. Repeat until you are nearly at top of machine.

6. Plug in

7. watch, wait

The whole process took no more than 20 minutes.

YAY!

Step 12: The Other One

We emptied the Strawberry Ice Cream out into a container and put it right into the freezer,
washed and dried the metal canister and refilled it with the Beer Ice Cream mixture.

Hmmm.. this one was not as custard-like, pretty thin, actually. Maybe I should have reduced the beer to 6 oz.

Maybe it was too much Laphroaig.

In me, not the mixture.