Introduction: Picky People Meatloaf

About: Hi everyone! Likely the most vocal member of Manufactured Fear, here. Welcome to our little twisted corner of the universe. We specialize in crafting the things that go bump in the night. And food, because ter…

I have had the (rather spoiled) habit of growing up exceptionally picky about what I eat. Now that I'm old enough to cook for myself, and others, I find it sneaking it's way into my recipes.

This is the ultimate meatloaf recipe for that ultra picky eater in any family. This is a once every few months splurge in my household, everybody needs a break from salads eventually.

Step 1: Supplies

You'll need a small handful of supplies. This recipe will do a 2lb package of hamburger. 2lbs of hamburger - any fat content will work, but I try to stick with 85/15 or up. This recipe will also work for ground turkey! And it still tastes just as good.
2 eggs
1 sleeve of saltines
A1 steak sauce - you can also use Worcestershire sauce, just use half the amount since it's a bit strong.
Onion powder
Parmesan cheese
Brown sugar
Nonstick spray
Large bowl
Smaller mixing bowl
Baking pan 8x8 - you can go smaller or larger, just adjust your baking time to make sure it's cooked thru
A working oven(or toaster oven, if you're desperate)

Step 2: Cracka What! and I Said Cracka Please!

Time to work out all those aggressions. You show those crackers who's boss! Crush 3/4th of the pack into the large bowl(or in my case a pot, cause who needs a bowl when you're a bachelor...) You can basically do this any way. I just crush them between the palms of my hands. You can put them in a zip lock bag and run a rolling pin over them. Or put them in a zip lock bag and pound then with your fist on the counter. They don't even have to be fine crushed, as long as there are no like half a piece of crackers left, you're good.

*props to funny man Mike Birbiglia for my header. Go check him out.

Step 3: Dash of Chemical X

Unfortunately this recipe won't create you're very own Power Puff Girls... But it does make a damn tasty meatloaf.

There aren't really any exact measurements in this part, so this is my rough estimates. But if you get a little more or less it won't matter.

1 teaspoon of salt
1 teaspoon of pepper
1/2 teaspoon of onion powder
1/2 cup of brown sugar
1 and 1/2 tablespoons of parmesan cheese

Mix this together loosely.

Step 4: Fun to Pet, Better to Chew

This part is super easy... Open the package of hamburger and add it to the dry mix from the last step, but don't try to start mixing yet.

*Header provided by my favorite comedian Jim Gaffigan, definitely go check him out.

Step 5: How Do You Know the Guarantee Fairy Isn't a Crazy Glue Sniffer?

It's time to add the "glue" to this delicious mess.

Crack and add 2 whole eggs to the mix. I usually mix my meatloaf by hand, I just find it to be easier. So however you wanna do it, just mix it all up till it looks like mine. Looks incredibly appetizing doesn't it?

*if you don't know who said this header, it's time you have a movie night. Chris Farley is hysterical in Tommy Boy.

Step 6: The Enrichment Center Regrets to Inform You That This Next Test Is Impossible. Make No Attempt to Solve It.

Testing will now commence...

Spray your baking pan liberally with non stick cooking spray. Do not forget this, trust me, it is not good. You'll be eating it out of the baking dish with a paint scraper.

I like to completely saturate my meatloaf with the sauce I put on top. So to prep for that, I use one finger and poke a whole bunch of holes in the top of the meatloaf. Then set this aside and head to the next testing chamber.

*It's near valentine's, so grab your companion cube and brush up on your Portal testing skills.

Step 7: Børk! Børk! Børk!

Grab your concrete mixer and sing along with me in Swedish Chef speak.

Or just grab a bowl, spoon and some ingredients, you can still sing along though!

1 and 1/2 cups of ketchup
1/2 cup of brown sugar
1 tablespoon of A1
2 tablespoons of parmesan cheese

Mix all these together and spread around the top of the meatloaf. If you want you can then take ketchup and drizzle it across the top like some tomatoey version of chocolate sauce. It doesn't really add anything to the flavor, but it looks cool.

Step 8: Keep Calm and Bake On!

Slip that sexy hunk of beef in the oven at 350 and set a timer for 20 mins. It probably won't be done by then, but I like to start with 20, check, 15, check, and then 5 minute increments.

I usually decide it's done when you get little grease geysers on top and the sides start to pull away from the pan. It's much easier to tell in a glass baking pan than in a metal one, so just keep a close eye on it.

I have never had anyone tell me they don't like this meatloaf. It's also great as meatballs, just roll the raw burger mix into balls and bake at 350 on a deep cookie sheet for around 15 mins depending on how big you roll the balls. Drain the grease off and pour the sauce over, pop the pan back in the oven for an addition 5-7 mins to get the sauce warm.


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