Far back in the grey dawns of eternity, a primitive monkey person named, say, Grok, was huddled over his primitive monkey fire, roasting a piece of dinosaur meat. He grimaces in pain at the burns on his hand; but takes it stoically. after all, it has always been done this way.

Then suddenly, the rudimentary neurons in his primitive monkey brain connect; an idea strikes him. In wonderment at his own ingenuity, Grok holds the meat with a pair of sticks, THEN roasts it.

And thus, the first tongs were born!

(Historical note: It probably did not happen this way, but I prefer to think it did. Also, The comic is from Gary Larson's Far Side comics, Witch are pretty great.)

So in honor of Grok, and our primitive Monkey ancestors, I shall now impart to y'all the best way I have thusfar found of making tongs.

Step 1: Materials:

All you need for this project (besides a functional forge) Is two 18" pieces of 1/2" re-bar, or 1/2" round, and one inch of 1/4 round. a vice also helps a lot.

Step 2: Upset the End:

Nothing too tricky here. just upset the last two inches of the bars slightly, so as to get a bit more width out of them. They should be heavy enough that you can just thump "em on you anvil face a few times.

Step 3: Flatten:

Now, hit the upset part with a hammer (Not good life advice) Until you have a flat part about 1 inch by 1/4 inch, maybe three inches long.

Step 4: Fullering:

Now you want to (I'm using mind control on you) Use a fuller of some kind, and put a notch 1 1/2" from the end of the end, then flip the bar over, and use the fuller to isolate the inch or so of flat above the notch.(Look, it's hard to explain, just look at the picture.)

Step 5: Punch Dat Hole

Now punch a hole big enough for your little pin to go through, in the, uh, Look; just refer to the bloody picture.

Step 6: Do the Twist: (sorry, Couldn't Help It)

Now, put the bit below the notch in yer vice, and give the upper part a 45 degree twist clockwise. Also, keep in mind that both halves must twist the same direction, they're not opposites.

Step 7: Whirligigs:

title says it all, put fancy whirligigs on the end of the handle.

Step 8: Remember That 1/4 X 1" Pin?

Yep, you need that now. This part is easy to mess up, so take your time. First, heat the pin, put it in your vice, and put a head on it like you would a nail. Put it through the tong halves, heat it nice and warm, then put a head on the other side. then do some final adjustments to the shape of the tongs, and you're done.

Step 9: Hold Hot Stuff With 'em:

Now just think of it, all the doorways in life, the possibilities, opportunity's, that have opened up to you now that you have some tongs! You can, um, pick things up with them, such as hot metal, uh yeah, opportunities man.