My partner and I are working on a permaculture project in the mountains where for the moment we have no facilities, but we do have lots of plants that can use the excellent fertilizer that is urine. For a long time I squatted to pee in a gallon paint bucket and then carried the results to a hungry plant, while my partner could just walk over to said plant and pee away. Envy!
It occurred to me that maybe I’m not the only woman in the world who would appreciate the convenience of peeing standing up, and a little web research proved that indeed, this need has been addressed commercially several times over. After spending a while checking out plastic funnels and chutes, the one that looked best to me and seemed to be the best reviewed was the pStyle: http://www.thepstyle.com/.
But I don’t live in the US, and spending $13 plus international shipping for a little piece of plastic was not in the budget. Also I hate buying new little pieces of plastic while throwing away lots of used little pieces of plastic, so I started thinking that maybe this could be achieved with some upcycling. Turns out I was right! Love it when that happens.
My DIY pee chute is nowhere near as cute as the pStyle, so if you're planning on entering a beauty pageant with peeing standing up as your talent, I would spring for the brand name (make sure you choose a color that doesn't clash with your gown). But mine is free, so you can go pee chute-crazy and make one for the car/bike, the office, the backyard, the backpack, etc. The DIY pee chute is perfect for: outdoors and gardening, nasty public toilets, no tp situations or saving tp (pull it forward after use to wipe off drips squeegee style), road trips, and delighting and amazing your friends!
What you need:
- empty bottle (details follow)
- box cutter or similar
- heavy duty scissors (recommended but optional)
- sandpaper (optional)
Step 1: Get the Concept, Find a Bottle.
The most important part of this project is to find a bottle with the right shape, since the making of the chute once you have the bottle is super-easy. (It should be a bottle of something you’ve actually used or are going to use, otherwise you might as well just buy the pre-made pee chute and be done with it. We’re trying to reduce waste and cost here.) The right shape means, first of all, narrow-sided because the side is what will function as the chute, so a round cylinder-type bottle won’t work: too wide to fit comfortably between the legs and to channel the pee away efficiently. There are a gazillion shampoo and moisturizer bottles out there with the ovalish, flattened, narrow-sided shape we’re talking about, but check out all the plastic bottles you have around and you might get lucky.
The pee is going to flow from the bottom of the bottle and come out at the top, passing along the side like in the first photo above.
Therefore, it’s important that the form of the bottle is straight from bottom to top or, even better if you can find it, wider at the top than at the bottom. Hourglass or wide bottom-narrow top shapes will make the pee tend to collect and overflow the sides or even run back towards you, which will make a big mess and if that's your goal you can achieve it just standing there peeing, no pee chute required. That kind of bottle might look like the second photo above.
In this case the very same bottle from the previous example has a straight side that would work fine with a slight tilt downward during use. (You can make do with a less than perfect shape by tilting the funnel down a lot to ensure gravity wins out, but extreme curves in the wrong direction really won’t work.)
As I mentioned, bottle sides should be narrow to serve as a channel. Mine were flat like you see in the third photo above (and had the added bonus of being tapered at the top end), but I'm sure rounded would be fine too.
So go forth and find a bottle! Use its contents, wash it well, remove labels if you want, and...
Step 2: Cut the Top Off
First you want to cut the top off the bottle. I did this with a box cutter and I think that's the best option. But hey, be careful with the box cutter because you want to finish this project with all your parts in perfect tact, sans ER visits, right? Hold the bottle firmly with one hand far from where you're cutting, don't cut towards any of your body parts, and go slow.
Step 3: Now Cut the Sides/bottom...
Now cut the sides following a diagonal line as shown. You can also do a curvy cut imitating the pStyle if you like, which is what I did. I don't think it makes any difference though. You can draw the line you want to follow and then cut, or just freehand it like I did. Cut both sides, then straight across the bottom. You can use the box cutters again for this, but if you have some heavy-duty scissors they will be safer and easier to control for this step.
Step 4: One for a Friend!
If your bottle is symmetrical, you can get two pee chutes from one bottle cutting mirror image shapes from both sides. I drew the line I'm cutting on here by lining up my first, free-handed chute with the leftover side of the same bottle and tracing its edges.
Step 5: Done! Now Go Pee Standing Up!
Smooth the edges with some sandpaper if they seem too rough (I didn't sand mine and so far haven't regretted it, but you might be more sensitive than I).
And now you can pee standing up! You need underwear you can move to one side, or go macho and try a guy's pair with the front opening, or go commando if you're so inclined. Place the closed end between your legs with the back edge just behind your urethra. No need to press it against you (in fact that might distort the flow) - gentle contact is fine. Tilt the open end slightly down and wherever you want to aim and let loose! When you finish, pull the pee chute forward and the back edge will catch any drips leaving you ready to go, no tp required. Yay! Rinse the pee chute with some water (or just shake it out well and rinse it later) and that's it. No more squatting, no more holding it. Freedom! :)