~ Duct Tape Beer Cozy ~

In the immortal words of Red Green, "If the women don't find ya handsome, at least they should find ya handy!"

And in order to be handy, you need BEER... or better known in my lab as "Engineering Fluid". It is often very necessary to the creative process but as we all know, it becomes almost unusable at temperatures exceeding 283 degrees kelvin.

Lucky for you there is a fast and easy solution to this perpetual problem... the duct tape beer cozy.

Just follow the easy steps below and your lab will be significantly more productive. I have personally tested this theory and confirmed it is true at least 12,000 times. Below is your list of materials and the tools and effort required for this advanced technology:

Materials:

~1 piece of flexible foam insulation 5" x 24"

~4' duct tape

Tools:

~1 scissors or utility knife

~1 beer bottle (empty or full, you can always empty it after you are finished)

~1 marker

~1 ruler or tape measure

Effort: very easy

Time: About 10 minutes if you are sober. (About 11 if you are not)

Cost: 4' of duct tape. (the flex foam is recycled out of some packaging laying around)

Step 1: Prepare to Build

1. Cut a few 1" wide strips out of the width of your duct tape for holding the edges as you go.
2. Cut your foam sheet 5" wide by 24" long. 5" is the best height for bottles or cans tall or regular. This is a multi purpose machine!
3. My sheet was very thin (about 3mm) so I doubled it up for about 12" to improve the thermal characteristics of the finished machine.

Step 2: Roll Your Own

1. Take your bottle and roll it up in the foam sheet. Not too snug, the unit will wear in a bit after use and you need to leave a little room for easy sliding. (You don't want to struggle with engineering fluid when you need a refill quickly)
2. Use enough foam to make it fit comfortably in your own hand. I had about 5" left over which you cut off for use as a bottom seal.
3. Tape up the seam inside and out.
4. Use your bottle and marker to plot out a few circles as a bottom plug.
5. Use your scissors to cut out your bottom plug circles.
6. Use something (duct tape maybe or dragon blood or troll drool) to hold your bottom plug circles together then press fit them into the bottom of your foam tube.
7. So far so good.

Step 3: Now Young Apprentice...Experience the Full Power of Duct Tape

1. Cut 16" strips of duct tape and use the force to position them all around the foam tube leaving about 1" above the rim. Go right across the bottom plug and up the other side.
2. Repeat # 1 above until the entire outer surface is paved over with shiny duct tape and is impervious to Martian attack, Kryptonian heat vision and the laws of entropy.
3. Fold the top lip of tape over the top rim and smooth it down inside.
4. Place your bottle inside and grasp the unit firmly in your very own hands and squeeze it all around until the duct tape is firmly adhered to all surfaces.
5. Go to the refrigerator and remove a cold one. Place the full bottle in the unit. Remove the cap (twist off or optional metal opener, it does not affect the functioning of the unit) and sip on it until you are satisfied the unit is functioning perfectly and the duct tape is performing within specified parameters. 5 or 6 tests should be enough but your lab may be more focused on quality control than mine.
6. Once the unit is fully tested, make a bunch more and stash them around your man cave in plain view of all visitors. If you have succeeded at making these units properly, your friends will loathe and envy you.

Enjoy!