Introduction: Conversational (edible?) Underwear

About: ...after 30 years of becoming corporately numb, my dreams of not working (for pay) and instead creating with my hands has become a reality. Life is grand!

Who would've ever thought Conversational Hearts and Smarties candies would find a use outside of tooth decay?

With just a little imagination you can create a set of Tastie Pasties and Smartie Pants!

Step 1: Define: "Underwear"

"Underwear" in this Instructable is limited to Tasty Pasties (upper) and Smartie Pants (bottom)

Research has uncovered the following...

- Pasties (sing. 'pastie') are adhesive coverings applied to reveal as much breast as possible without being entirely topless.

- a G-string (or gee-string) is a type of underwear that covers the genitals, passes between the buttocks, and is attached to a band around the hips.

While a G-string it can be worn as underwear by both men and women it is not clear as to whether Pasties are limited to just one sex.

To please both sides of the aisle, Tasty Pasties and Smartie Pants have been crafted with the needs of the uni-sex underwearer in mind.

Step 2: Gather Materials

Tastie Pasties and Smartie Pants requires:

- 8 oz bag of Conversational Hearts
- 6 oz bag of Smarties Candies
- a dozen soft chewy type of candy (Tootsie Rolls, Starbursts, Taffy)
- Waxed Paper
- Saran Wrap or Baggies
- Rolling Pin
- Cookie Cutter
- Microwave
- Drill with smallest available drill bit
- 9 needles with a thin eye, threaded.

Step 3: Creating the Pastie (sing.) or Pasties (pl.)

Working with no more than 2 piece of chewy candy at a time, unwrap and microwave on a sheet of waxed paper for a maximum of 5-10 seconds.

Gently lift from waxed paper and place softened candy between saran wrap. Roll it out to create a smooth surface about 1/4" thick. Trim out design with cookie cutter and set aside on a sheet of saran wrap.

Repeat process, cutting out several decorations. Scraps can be reheated to form additional decorations

Arrange as desired, warm slightly and place a sheet of saran wrap over your design and slightly flatten so all decorations meld together.

Add a Converational Heart to the center by tacking it on to the pastie with a dab of overheated scrap.

Step 4: Smartie Pant

To make the Flap...
Drll about half a bag of Conversational Hearts, both horizontally and vertically. These will act as "beads" and will be woven/threaded together.

Also drill a few rolls of Smarties candies through the center. These will act as "spacers" between the Conversational Hearts.

Next, thread 9 needles with about 12" of thread, securing them together with one knot. 8 of these needles will be used to accept a "bead" vertically (similar to a loom's warp) and the 9th needle will be used to accept the "beads" and "spacers" horizontally (similar to a loom's weft).

Grab a "bead" and make sure a needle can pass through both vertically and horizontally. If not, then a little more drilling may be necessary.

Once the "bead" can accept a needle in both directions, run the 9 needles from the bottom of the "bead" through the top, one needle at a time. This completes row 1.

Next, separate the 9 threaded needles into 2 groups of 4 (for the "warp") and one needle (for the "weft"). Using one needle at a time, run 4 needles from the bottom to the top of a new "bead" top. Repeat with a separate "bead" using the other 4 needles. (These 2 beads are now on the "warp"). Finally, take the single needle and run it horizontally through the 2 "beads" . This will help keep this 2nd row from slipping.

To create row 3, repeat to with 2 more beads.

At row 4 the flap should start to growing wider. This is done by adding either a "bead" or a "spacer". Separate the needles into 3 groups of threads (i.e. 3+2+3=8 threads). Thread a "bead" onto this 4th row (an extra "bead" has aben added to the warp) and and extra "spacers" can be placed between the "bead" (which widens the weft).

Row 5 may not yet be ready for another "bead" but can certainly accept another "spacer". Ditto for row 6. Remember to include the weft needle each time a new row is started!

Around row 7 is a good time to back off of the "spacers" and instead let a threaded needle to split away from the pack and allow an "bead" to be added in place of the spacers.

Contine to gradually add "beads" and "spacers" to widen the flap. Once satisfied with the length and width of the flap, knot the threads to secure.

To make the straps...
String the Conversational Hearts and Smarties to create 3 separate lengths.

Two of the lengths of Conversational Hearts and Smarties will need to measure apx 20" (or more depending on waistband comfort). Attach one length atf the top corners of the flap.

The third length of will measure apx 15" (or long enough to fit from your inseam to the center of your lower back). Attach to the lower corner of the flap.'s done!

Step 5: Find a Model

Mine came from the swimsuit section of Sam's Club.

If none of this makes sense, consider nibbling away.

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