I love sandwiches. I really mean it - I LOVE THEM! I even went as far once to bake my own hand-shaped loaf of bread and made a hand sandwich. That was awesome, but I wanted more.

I decided to put my sandwich making skills to the test and try and create the ultimate sandwich- a sandwich so amazing, stacked so high with goodness, that Dagwood himself would behold my creation and bow before my mastery. I knew this sandwich was going to be huge, so I called in reinforcements and asked sandwich-expert stumpchunkman to help me craft and consume the ultimate sandwich.

Hungry and ready to make your own? Conquer, if you dare!

Step 1: Prepare + Assemble

Making an ultimate sandwich isn't hard, but requires a desire to clear out your refrigerator and a dedication to challenge your intestinal fortitude.

Here's what's in mine:

asiago cheese loaf
refried beans
deli sprouts
fried eggs
bacon
marbled cheddar
moroccan spiced chicken breast
cottage cheese

spinach
Ritz crackers
guacamole
sundried tomato turkey meatloaf
swizz cheese
rosemary ham
salt + pepper
melted tex-mex cheese

Some care was taken in selecting the order in which my sandwich was assembled, meat and cheese layers were alternated ensuring an even vertical distribution of protein and dairy, and the cracker layer was situated in the middle in lieu of an additional slice of bread; Vegetables were added in strategic layers to separate some of the messier ingredients.
Depending on your ingredients, your assembly order may be different.

Step 2: Consume!

After your ultimate sandwich has been assembled it's time to eat! My ultimate sandwich was too big for my mouth (and I've been told many times that I have a really big mouth), so I had to squish mine down some in order to eat.

Eating the ultimate sandwich is a two-hand operation. If you're not using two hands when eating then your sandwich is simply not big enough and needs more ingredients to make it 'ultimate'.

Step 3: Pace Yourself

Consuming the ultimate sandwich is like an endurance race; pace yourself early so you don't fall flat near the end. If you thought that you were here to only enjoy the sandwich, you'd be wrong. The aim is to finish the ultimate sandwich, your enjoyment comes second.

I started with big bites, then decided to slow down and took a small break...big mistake. With sandwich (and egg) all over my face, this break from chomping almost made me pass out on my plate. But this won't happen to you, you're a champ; you're much to smart to stop your marathon chew-fest. Nap-time is for after.
Stumpchunkman seems to have passed out on the floor from the awesomeness of his half of the sandwich. Somehow, he woke up to finish his half before me.

Have you made your own ultimate sandwich? I want to see it!